"Could you could you color my hair you know the center bit there something out of straw dogs?"

"Hello and thank you for purchasing the Orgreenic Zero Point Energy Stove and Slushee Machine. To get maximum satisfaction from this product, please follow these instructions with

Who says you can't end a sentence with a preposition, asked the professor. what is a preposition asked the old man. He had been sitting at the same bench for 3 years and still did

Absolutely the worst thing he had ever done was to look inside that case. He should have known from the stench

She was incredibly relaxed for somebody who had just walked away from a four car pile-up. The cop checked his notes. "Is this right? The woman who died at the scene was your

When he sat in the chair the world zoomed around him. It was like watching a movie in fast forward. He stood up and noticed that 100 years had gone by. His wife was dead now and

Can you teach a bear to dance?

it was the second pair of bose headphones that had been stolen from me at work in a month. Rage consumed me, but I bought a third pair. Inside, I rubbed poison ivy, peanut oil and

Once on the road, I slammed the breaks, flicked the stick into drive and punched the gas. The tiny glowing gas pump lit up brightly, flooding my speedometer with orange light.

He was so tired. So damn tired of the fighting. He had been stuck in the mud and rain for what feels like weeks. Constant shelling filled the air with smoke. Those foster kids...

I gazed through the blinders hanging before the train window at the moire pattern formed by the neat rows of rice plants. We passed a crossing and the warning tone doppler-shifted

It was a dark and stormy night in the small town of

One day Daniel Tosh walked into a store and over the intercome said haha its the gay man!

It all began when my father first saw the Djinn. Before I could warn him, he said "Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle." And there he was. How was I going to explain this to

Zimbabwes yoddeling xylophone wacking virtuouso Urs Tikumu showed really quirky performances. New music links kept Jethro inspired. His global folklore events defied common beliefs

The jolly codger walked down the cobblestones with a crowd of orphans surrounding him. "Now, whose wants to try for this shilling?" He held the coin high above his head. The urchin

The fidgety old miner clapped and rattled and said, "There's gold in them thar hills." He was pointing at my Aunt Shirley. The thing about the Miner and Aunt Shirley is

Mrs Peel's friend from the Royal Society examined the strange lump on the victim's back. "Hmm, I'd say Morgellons but the colours of the fibers are wrong, and the sparkly

The house stood vacant and starving for ages, until one day the Paranormal Hoaxes TV crew came to investigate. Finally! As they clumped about, digestive fluids gurgled in the pipes

"No," Lloyd murmured. "I don't think I'll ever get over you." "Well TRY!" Lisa said. "Here, let me help you."