I have beautiful feet

Beeeep. The alarm clock startled me out of the bed and onto the floor. I groaned and groggily checked the time. 52 stars and a penny. It was far too early for me to fully function.

I like my cosy box. It's warm & comfortable. Why do I have to get out of the box to think?

I'd take headphones over a concert any day, but dad wanted me to get a realer metal concert experience. A black blur, he entered my room violently enough to break the mosh barrier.

A poet has senses that cannot even be felt, and so in the subtly shifting tenebrae of a white night in Sankt Peterburg, 1895, Andrei wrote, without knowing why: "LET'S ROCK!!!"

Coming out of a nasty divorce it seemed like providence when I met Sal on an internet forum, someone I could confide in. I finally got up the nerve to road trip to Crazy Woman, WY

One day I was walking down the street and I felt something reach up and grab my leg. I looked down to startled to see what it was and it was a....

"Poem for My Newlywed Wife on the Eve of Our Honeymoon: In the dark, my fart is as deadly as a shark." As my beloved lay in wait I beamed at her, deeply proud of my verse.

Janice got seriously stuck. She tried to wriggle her way out of the warm stinking mud, but every move made the mud suck her body further down. She was tired, hungry, thirsty and

Pablo De Nuda trembled on his next doctor's visit -- because he knew what they knew -- what they all knew -- the little glyphs blabbing about in their electro-topological congress

She was listening to "Glee." It keeps her soul alive.

Joshua refused to take the FCAT test. Even at the age of three he knew that verbiage was a tool of distortion and control. He looked through the people of earth and of other worlds

"I can't smoke my morning bong bowl because someone took every lighter and box of matches in the freakin' house!" The recently turned 18 year old screamed at the top of her lungs.

Lovingly kissing her chelicerae, I looked deep into her compound eyes and began to stroke her opisthosoma, her book gills all aflutter, her tail spine quivering in the night air.

The TV announced "Only 10 more shopping days until Christmas". Zeeno replied, "10 more days & the world ends. Let's see what's left on my list? Replace mannequins at Macy's with

Stories just don't start this way.

"Ahem" he said. "The suggestion box was completely empty again except for this message: I AM HORNY. All caps. Now, this leads me to believe

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates -". The dwarves stopped singing as one, realizing that Bilbo stood in the kitchen doorway, his arms

We were charged with coming up with new cereal concepts revolving around celebrities. Some, like Al Frankenberries, never made it past the concept stage, but others, such as Honey

I fed the elephant some acid, and it slept with one of the fish in the pool last night. The fish told me it has the fucking elephant's baby. I looked at it's belly