My goldfish slapped me, so I was

Toto didn't bark, he just skulked so hard he pissed. Dorothy looked up in fear. She saw the Wicked Witch of the West Side Connect flying in on her giant

He bared the most adorable under bite that had ever been seen. Fuzz- like fluff surrounded his face and feet, all of the girls fell in love with him. Their favorite part was his

We the people of Del Playa Avenue in Isla Vista, California, USA, on this day March 27, in the 2013th year of Our Lord, do hold these truths to be self-evident: that you can not

My "wife" was outside hanging the "laundry" so I decided to take a quick trip to the "store". Upon arriving, I noticed I'd forgotten my "wallet" so I had to call a "friend" to see

Hundreds of years ago, our planet hosted a small human population. Despite an abundance of land and food, the greedy rich, as usual, hogged it all and forced others into servitude.

Then she farted.

J. Edgar Hoover decided to go shopping. He'd been bottled up during the whole law enforcement convention. He needed to breathe. He needed freedom. He needed to be "her."

Due to tribal social pressures, I have agreed to publicly celebrate the pair-bond relationship with my mate. I have prepared an offering of severed plant genitalia, dyed wood pulp,

I found it hard to find fault with them, but that didn’t absolve them of their responsibility. A quick check of my mental inventory listed the likeliest location of my missing

When he awoke from his coma, the room was empty, yet so full. How is this so?

"Hey man, wanna call a truce?" he asked me. We were back-to, pistols in hand. "Sure thing," I said. But I still planned to take my three steps and blast him. When I turned around

The other day my cat and I took a walk!

"Kiddies, here's another picture of me being photobombed by time," said Granny. It was the only way she knew how to explain being old but young at heart. Her wrinkles deceived

You know how when you're eating, or reading, or driving or whatever and all of a sudden nothing makes any sense and you just kind of pass out for ten or twelve minutes?

Body snatchers rarely take vacations, since they have precious little time to spread their seed. But Clarence was tired and needed to think. Perhaps just a few days in

Dear Princess Celestia, do you care for checkers by mail? I am uncertain of the notation, but shall attempt an opening move. I call red. B3 to A4. Your faithful student,

Dang it, right off I was stumped. 1) IS YOUR AVERAGE RATIO OF FECES CONTACTED : HANDS WASHED, GREATER OR LESS THAN 5 : 1? What did

Hypothesis: Warning labels are for pussies. Procedure: 1) Take more than twelve aspirins in one day; 2) Get drunk, then operate machinery; and 3) Swallow Listerine. Conclusion:

The statue of Phatty McButterpants is proudly displayed on my parents fireplace mantel. It's an embarrassing story, but since I've gotten you this far, I'll tell you. Phatty was my