Taking off his thick librarian glasses, loosening the top few buttons of his shirt, and spinning in a circle a la Lynda Carter, John was amazed to find that he was indeed able to

Cold chicken. After the suit, the airlock, the drift across space, the frying of their airlock control & them getting spaced. After all that, all I got is a plate of cold chicken.

The elephant, the giraffe and the ant where drinking at the tavern. Again. The elephant bought a round for his friends because, well, it was payday and why the hell not?

I just laughed. The story was completely ridiculous. "You expect me to believe that?" I asked. But Rodrigo was insistent. "I saw it--a lawyer committing a random act of kindness."

Zynxk, Fltscnp & Plqmsy teased Bob relentlessly about having only 2 eyes and five digits per limb. "Hey two eyes how many tentacles do you see?" Zynxk slimed him before he answered

And now the story of how I got that scar. Lenny "The Knife" and I were out tipping a few whiskeys one night. Lenny was talking to this girl with an intricate facial tattoo of a key

It round midnight & I was sitting at the piano diminishing some sevenths and walking the bass line. Autumn leaves were falling out of the window. So what? I thought to myself, it's

I am a variant man. I am a variegated man. I'm a vagrant man. I'm a homely man. I'm a cocooning man. I'm a distracted man. I'm a distributed man. I'm a

"and so I axed her what she did wid it and she say she donno," Placenta said.The detective held up his hand. "You say you axed her?" "Yeah, I axed her." And that is how Placenta

It was an invitation to the Theminar. This was where the "them" of the worlds met. This shadowy but colossal society gathered once a year to hold court on the

Amber, after some thought, updated her a Facebook status --OMG why do hot guys go for ugly girls? :( :( :( --

That night, I had a psychedelic, drug-induced dream. A cold sweat broke out across my skin as the nightmarish, shadow puppet-like images played against the canvas of my mind.

It all happened so fast! I remember waking up from the couch in my darkened living room, the light in the hallway on. Standing in the doorway was the massive silhouette of

I pulled the lever, and a thousand pounds of kitten, ferret and guinea pig flew toward the enemy at hypersonic speeds. A second later a familiar crackle and hiss told me that the

The latest scientific research shows that the voice box in men & red deer has lowered in order to bellow more effectively. "Hmm, figures," thought Mabeline as a noise like a thousa

The First United Church of Bowlers opened at Rev. Chucks Luck Strike on Pilgram Lane. After the opening frame, Rev. Chuck accended to the pulpet just above the

The committee was a conglomeration of nincompoops, busy bodies, and ne'er-do-wells. They were the puppet masters behind the movie ratings board.

A great deal of confusion could certainly have been avoided if the organizers of the inaugural skin cancer prevention awareness gala hadn't titled the conference: ForSkin!

Went through a red light: -10 points. Didn't park in the handicapped zone: +20 points. I looked down at the grand total for my karma budget. Hot Dog! Enough to rob a bank!

Caramello was a cool kind of koala and all of his friends agreed. He went with the flow. Caramello was considering starting his own hip hop band. He asked his friend