An inside-out Uncle was not a pleasant sight to behold, he thought, as he beheld the steaming viscera beneath the monacle and toupée that was all that was left of Baron Furvile. If

I knew what I had to do: sneeze. That was the only way left to create a distraction. As expected, everyone looked at me. What I didn't expect were their angry glowing purple eyes.

He was scanning the want ads & found it under a picture of Shaka Zulu riding an Alpaca. It read "Adventurous souls with no attachments or moral ballast. Expedition to sulphurous

She asked me if I folded any good stories lately. I paused to think about it. Farted. Thought some more. Grabbed us some beers. Then said yeah, it was no Squawkers, but I did fold

Here I am again following him on a sunday morning. As he goes down the street wind blows his long curly hair. He turns right on the White River Avenue and sees Bob, they enter....

When live gives you lemons, you make lemonade, that's the obvious answer. But when...

The FFS Mandible drifted through ultraspace. The replicator was busted, the nearest Costco was 500 parsecs away and the crew was out of beer, pretzels and taco pizzas. Cap'n Storm

"A napkin? Psh, I'm GOOD at transferring food from a plate to my mouth via my hands." Seconds later, BBQ sauce dripped into pa's lap. He needed an excuse, so he faked an injury.

As my accomplices and I faced Utah's firing squad, I liked my chances. Not only was I short, but I was also discreetly wearing a kevlar body suit. Playing dead in 3, 2, 1..."Fire!"

I witnessed an amazing sight this morning on my way to school. It was raining and lightning flashed in the sky with a resounding crash of thunder almost immediately afterward.

Oh, I'm not a professional stripper. No, I'm just doing this to get through medical school. I just do this for a little extra money. You know...to pay for my books and lab fees.

What of the toad?

Drusilla was wearing a ring. In the middle of the ring was a fabulous pearl. "It's the Pearl of Lao Tzu," she told Dominika. "Whoever wears this pearl shall have great fortune and

I was reading a book on my phone when an interrupting phone call came through on my watch. "Crap" I smelled. It was my wife-in-law. She'd sat in some elephant pellets and needed

The lobotomist stood next to his patient, saying "You're pregnant." Xenia was too sedated to feel anything and yawned. What was she doing here? Her mother scheduled the lobotomy

The dream police that live inside of my head were unable to stop me from dreaming I was an alpha wolf. At night my pack would run through the forest and over the snowy hills search

The scarcity of trains made tying oneself to the tracks feel like less of a death wish, so former damsels were self-imposing time to look up at the clouds. New age therapy sessions

My story's character is sitting on the top deck of a bus going through Knightsbridge. I'd like to tell you more but my character is refusing all contact with me, won't return calls

"So, there we were, two miles behind enemy lines, dressed as nuns and smuggling munitions to La Resistance in our wimples, when Lieutenant Hereford had the capital idea of using

"She made me want to be a better person. I made her want to smear herself with guacamole. It was pretty hard to reconcile our respective feelings for one another, which is why we