The Civil-verse was plagued with associated tourists. They self ported through the Master Press like worms in a carcass. My job was to give them a reason to go home.

Many rebelled when they read his manifestos, unwilling to consider the truth they contained. But some realized the activist was right, especially those who ate their own shorts.

"Because you have no ass." That upset her. She had a face. She had class. She nice breasts. But it was true, she had no ass.

Luke heard the screaming... the world was falling apart, and it had only been three days! People, rising from the dead to devour others! "This is a nightmare!" he said to himself.

These are a few of my most-despised words: Pulchritude. Cauliflower. Leprous. Axe. Quantitative-easing. Blister. Virgin. Trebuchet. Maybe. Flatulence. Me. Make a story out of them!

Joaquin Dix scanned the field. He saw Hakeem Nicks come open across the middle just as Akiem Hicks hit him from behind. Akeem tackled Hakeem while Akiem roughed up Joaquin.

The first time I drove on a motorway was the I-95 in Miami - straight out of the hire car place. It was also my first l/h drive car & the first time I'd driven on the right. Scream

In the dying days of World War II Hitler sat in his bunker eating a boiled egg. Suddenly a time traveller appeared from nowhere and pointed a gun at him "Hitler", he said "My name

Lucifer was looking at the tiny creature with such intensity, as if it would enter spontaneous combustion at any time and didn't want to miss any second of it.

I was sitting wondering how many times you could drop your ipad before it actually, you know, broke for real. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a cat with wings chasing a robin

Please, FS goddess, grant this story coherence & by your grace may this fold fruitfully spawn more folds of brilliant wit, erudition & other qualities tba at yr convenience

With all the groupies and the long bus rides and nights filled with drugs and booze, I know I have paid my dues as an ocarina musician.

I burst through my own chest finally, but not before I fell onto the table, scattering my friends' cell phones and entrees. I emerged refreshed, like a gelatinous, elegant phantasm

"Mother, when are our cousins expected to arrive?"

Baba Yaga the Hutu was sick of the jokes.

"So you thee, I juth god unruc ow ... ow ow kee wif my tsch ow ... ow ow. choice a cac-thee Doc." "Martin, a good fraction of succulent plants are not succulent. They're poison

I love myself

Prison psychologist: "Let's play Rorschach Roulette. I'll start, Beekeeper. Prisoner #39451: "Um... Burka?"

Once in a Thai crystal palace there lived a young man who wished to one day be a monk. He chanted the mantra he had composed himself and written down in the black book every day

"No. Well, maybe...ok, FINE! I'm in." Curse