"Tony, if you were anymore open minded your

"Tony, if you were anymore open minded your brain would fall out."

She addressed me literally. Late last night, someone took a phillips screwdriver to the back of my skull and I involuntarily gave a piece of my mind. "Tony? are you even listening?

". But the wind whistling through my brain pan deafened me to everything she said. All I could do was blather loudly each thought that entered my head, "Meatloaf looks like worm ch

Imichangas!" I wandered the streets, my hollow mind and perforated skull human megaphone, my thoughts laid bare for all to hear. When the wind ceased, a silence so profound

ensued that even my empty mind seemed to scream obscenities in its absence. An old woman opened her shutters and glowered at me. "Stop that," she said, "or I'll call a constable!"

"Go ahead, witch," I snarled. "Duck the police! They're all runts!" The old woman gasped in disapproval and slammed her shutters closed. "Anyone else got a trucking problem?"

The Isle of Sodor had a trucking problem, hence all the trains, but Topham Hat was restless at night due to Thomas and Friends' unsavory Twitter remarks: "Trains rights now!"

Somebody with a made up name tweeted "Trains belong on Schedule!" The Caboose lobby still had enough clout to out the the secrets about the treatment of porters, The Pullman Report

simply told everyone to fuck off and walk, if they wanted to complain about the longheld tradition of trains forever remaining off-schedule.

So everyone fucked off and walked. Thickened leg muscles began appearing everywhere. Pants began not to fit, leading to a shortage rivaling the toilet paper shortage during COVID.