He saw the paper toilet seat covers. He pulled out his baggy. Inside was a powdered eczema flakes, scabs, blister husks and dried puss. He blended them in the coffee grinder. Then

She watched the purple mist rise off the trees and wondered how long the rock where she squatted would hold. She slowly reached a tentacle out, thinking, "Well, at least it isn't

He listened to They Might Be Giants which only confirmed he was a nerd. But he was also dumb. Being a dumb nerd was like being the lumpen proletariat because

Question: Is it a bad sign if you get too lazy to smoke weed? I had the bong all loaded but just couldn't get motivated to fire it up. Instead I played

"What a life I had" exclaimed the old man sitting in his front porch. Unbeknown to the fact that his life was far from finished, as an invasion of Frenchmen was taking place a few

"Thank you, kitty" he thought as he stepped over the blackbird on the welcome mat. When he went out to the mailbox, he noticed dead birds all over the place, and no traffic sounds

There was a time when dragons flew over this village, unicorns grazed in the meadow, and Gods lived in the mountains. Now, those who are left have only the songs of

Sonny looked at Cher and growled. He beared his teeth and slowly bent down on his haunches. Cher looked momentarily confused. This wasn't in the script. Their variety show was live

Let's just see: Bojangles', Popeye's, KFC, or coq au vin. Decision, decisions! No, because of all the recent salmonella outbreaks, Sundersen elected to go with aglio i olio pasta.

It was four am Monday morning. Through the glass doors the darkness outside could be seen. She listened carefully, expectantly, for the first signs of day. But there were no kookab

You know what do when you get writers block? Stack it in the corner with the others, till you have enough to build a really solid two story, three hole brick outhouse. Conjoined

Num num num....NUM....num num num.... humph.... mmmm....(tasty)... CRUNCH!...chuff-chuff-chuff...num num...gulp...(ahhhhh) So anyway, what I meant to say was

Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said to me when he broke up with me after he cheated on me and ridiculed my broken feelings. Oh, the list goes on, but here's just a few.

The first we saw of the Carpet King was a cloud of dust coming along the road to the farm. My mother was sitting on the step, picking stones out of the dried beans in a big enamel

DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?!?!?!

"Great men have little men upon their backs to spite 'em, and little men have lesser men, and so ad infinitum." it was framed and hanging above, Mr. Dursby's great desk. Snidley

Linus, Cletus, Clement, Sixtus, Maximus--that was the gang back in the day, when we used to go down to the swimmin' hole in backwoods. One day, as we neared the hole's clearing...

"Ave Maria,cheia de graça.O Senhor é convosco."Amélia was praying the Holly Mary at a little chapel in Lisboa.Her knees hurt.Her mouth was dry.She missed her son,and asked for a

To his great surprise, Alan found himself fading away. After a few beers he had often wondered what lay beyond the grave, now he was going to find out. He closed his eyes and

I was having an argument with my map when she put her downy hand on my shoulder and informed me that I was disrupting the other hikers. "Why can't you follow the path like us," she