Legend says the old map would lead whoever follows it to riches unknown. At least that's what the grinning man in the tourist shop had told me when he took my 500 bucks. Now I was

I'm not entirely sure how it had started, but I'd begun inadvertently living out the lyrics to the songs of They Might Be Giants. I like them, but things became pear-shaped when I

Able Applebot arched awkwardly ass backward bringing bountiful beauties back. Creeping craftily crosswise crooning cockeyed ditties, 'e expressed extraordinary erudition.

"Fuck Thee, Morpheus. Bitch, I am the One." "Mon, you be crampin ma styles." "Peace Out!" Now to fly off in my spaceship. But what is that over yonder on the horizon?

He had won. But it had left him empty and tired. The national pork shortage was just the first of many problems he was going to have to face. All he wanted to do was

So I alone. folding clothes. Stupid Gap store. Clear the register. Then I do something that I wanted to do for a loooooong, time, I kiss the mannequin in the chinos

"Isn't it true,that you dropped an anvil on my clients head, tied a dynamite stick to his tail, & poisoned his milk?".Things looked grim for Jerry. The jurors were Willy E. Coyote,

To friends see eachother at the mall and say hey, "What's up!"

There was just nothing in the world better than a pair of orange tap shoes. Unless it was neon-green toenail polish. Either way, he was pretty sure

It was 11 p.m., Mr. Aardvark glanced outside to the pouring rain. Another cigarette, another Bourbon. The cutout ransom letter he had found read "Get me my Golden Diamond or

Personally, I'd steal a tank like that California guy, drive up to my boyfriend's apartment & blast it to smithereens. How would YOU get revenge for being cheated on? Be creative!

"You're under Seizure Regulation fifteen." That meant no trial because the fifteen regulations covered espionage and terrorism. What a joke he thought, but the Borg

"I wasn't zoned out I was staring out the window that's all," said my homeschooling-mom-friend Wendy.

Did he died?

He couched...right into the blowgun. Oh No!. The dart came out and hit Principle Lunderson in the neck. He whipped around and saw Blake standing there. "I coughed, it was an

"Don't scream!" He shouted as he pressed the gun up to her head. "It hurts you more than it hurts me." He laid on top of her and proceeded with his dirty deed. She continued to cry

I couldn't concentrate at all after I noticed her there in the waiting room casually flipping through a Playboy. My car had been ready for 45 minutes but I thought I'd stick around

Fuddlewacker! That's the only thing I could think of at the sight of it. My uncle's catch-himself-cursing word. Fifteen eggs perfectly balanced in a pyramid defied explanation.

"I've done it!" he exclaimed, raising the turkey baster in triumph. "I've extracted pure beige." An air of excitement filled the lab as his TA embraced him. But Crayola's lawyers

He stapled the plastic tarp covering the hole in the patio door. He took a vacuum and cleaned up the stray shards of glass. Rising up slowly, he brushed his khakis. Dinner would be