They fired him after his presentation on impregnating toilet tissue with ghost pepper extract.

She lies down, putting her head on the damp grass, and looks up at the night sky.

What if people stopped taking shit from beatniks? "Hey, doll, what's yer name?" "I carry mace." "Swell, dig a groovy chick. What's this, a murder? Get right on that, officers."

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Old Age. Think of a hemrhoid as a road bump on the constipation trail. Forgetting where you parked your golfcart is just an opportunity

Down every road there's always one more city I'm on the run the highway is my home I raised a lot of cane back in my younger days Read more: JACK GREENE - I'M A LONESOME FUGITIVE

"I said 'Sixteen metric tonnes of quadrotriticale', you moron" slurred the Vulcan into the communicator. "And I better get it tomorrow, or I'm introducing a Tribble to your

Ernie heard a deafening crash. Snatching his coat, he dashed out onto the street, gaping at the accident. An oil truck had crashed into a cement mixer, flooding the road with

"Hands up who ever felt like punching a kitten in the face?" The audience went quiet, not a peep, and I thought I had them with my last joke. I guess this town ain't ready for

Dear Princess Celestia, do you care for checkers by mail? I am uncertain of the notation, but shall attempt an opening move. I call red. B3 to A4. Your faithful student,

"Well" Jess said, closing to door behind her and shrugging her shoulders at Tim "That's the last time we try to kindnap an anteater with rickets." Tim rolled his eyes and grabbed h

Annual surveys to determine presence/absence and quantify reproductive success of southern reticulated warthogs will commence tomorrow morning at 0600. I expect that you will

I left the school building and got on the bus. As soon as we left the premises, I realized

I had just a few cartridges left: 2 essential amino acids, 2 carbs, and a couple of fats. I hadn't paid for flavor emulation this month so my printer was serving some bland dishes.

In the beginning, there were 1,800 potential characters. Then just like that, there were 1,620.

I always was good at games. They were fun, but above all, they had goals which could be seen at a press of a button. Unlike so-called "life", which, apparently,

I liked to live my life according to a few simple tenets. Hakuna matata, always look on the bright side, etc. So upon contracting alien hand syndrome I thought it'd be great for

I layed wide awake in my bed, still as the air. All i could hear was my heavy breath moving in and out of my lungs, i stared out the window frightened of what might be downstairs

there 2as once a castle upon a hill, the lived there because his mother had some kill. He followed god and smoked weed everyday, but this king had a secret...he was a fucking gay.

Obama and Cameron woke in a strange but cheery bungalow. "Good morning, good morning, good morning!" Putin was also there and turned out to be an excellent breakfast chef. Village

"On tonight's news, the commissioner of baseball declares war, terror lurks in every shadow, and SHARKS." Crap, I forget to recycle just once, then the world goes haywire. I had to