Vampires in Helsinki COME ALIVE!

One

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost. My cellmate's a killer and they make me do push-ups in drag, but nobody cares if you're losing yourself.

In the horror film Spork the main character is chained to a metal pipe. A voice tells the character that if he spoons or forks his leg off he will be set free

Three years into my birth. I'm still trying to figure out what the devil

The cookie monster

I found him by the railroad track this morning. I could see that he was nearly dead. I knelt down beside him and I listened, just to hear the words the dying fellow said. He said

I was sitting in class when two EXTREMELY annoying guys named

I once wrote a fold that was perfect in every respect. I read it back & my heart stopped at its loveliness. How many points did it score? A big fat zero. True story.

The young leviathans of Europa had a great long giggle in their frosty ocean as they competed to spew ever-greater plumes into space. "They probably think we're fluffy dolphins!"

Eating a McGangBang is kind of like having a threesome with two ugly chicks. While it's happening you're stoked, but once you're finished. Well you've got a good story about regret

J Peterman was in his element. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I agreed to accompany him on his "business" trip to Bangkok. It was 10 am. I sipped the Singha foam

"Mock me again. I dare you!" And so he did. Ronald's fist crashed down into his jaw for the third time, or was it the fourth? He was beaten. Broken beyond repair and all he knew

Shorty wasn't usually good for much other than odds at the track or a pull off a flask. But Shorty wasn't coming from the track, he was coming from Guantanamo. And he'd brought

What is the point of being a cannibal if all the restaurants are vegan?

hey my name is dave

Her breath came out in short bursts as her legs carried her across the field, wet grass squishing beneath her sneakers. Sweat beaded on her forehead, bare arm wiping at it.

It was the moment Sisyphus had been dreading - performance reviews. Beelzebub tapped a clipboard. "Well, Sissy, it looks like today's your lucky day. You've been reassigned to

My wimple itched something fierce, and my sensible nun shoes actually gave me horrific blisters I had to pop every night and cover with yards of gauze.

Carp is bottom grazers. They feeds on garbage. The area 3 pool has plenty. Carp can weigh 100+ lbs! Uncle/Grandpa Doug hit on the idea to use twinkies (in their wrappers) as bait