Polly wanna cracker? Polly? FOR THE LAST TIME

The squirrel had been hatching his plan for weeks. He had eaten his last pinecone on Tuesday. He was now strictly a carnivore. And why not? The apartment complex was full of meat.

The pink- and blue-polka-dotted house floated upward, the force of the twister having uprooted it. Careening through the sky on a collision course, Ted knew his only hope to avoid

Geoff couldn't speak French. Not a single word. He regretted not learning it now, what with the angry French cannibals surrounding him, and he without a battle-axe! Thinking quick,

Shuffling non-threatengly down the street, a horde of perfectly harmless Zombies™ (newly reformed and safe in every way, We Promise!™) headed to their day jobs.

Double crossed! He fell down on the gun and felt it butt against something in his belly. Nothing tore and nothing broke. That wasn't his style and his powers were governed by it

Chelsea was sentence to a year at the home for wayward farmgirls. She was whey too boarish. And her jokes! Too much corn for anyone's ears. She didn't give a flock. Bossy,

"Reverse polarity, Reverse polarity" the metallic voice shouted. "Shut up" if you've got enough power to tell me the battery's are in backwards why don't you light the damn flash.

When I came back from Dublin, ...

the barn has the silver glisten sheen of age yet the sounds within are of youth - vibrant youth - youth rambunctious - youth hormonal - youth of fueled testosterone -

They went out "as friends." He even called "his girl" while they were out. They had not crossed any lines, the whole time. All he could do was think about her naked. When they

If death were a person, I would call him a greedy bitch. He always had a way of taking the good people away, leaving the assholes behind for me to deal with.

i don't know what to write. i clicked the create button for no good reason. should i tell a tale of aleins or giant monsters? romance or war? eh, romance is stupid, so i'll make war

I’m a borderline coulrophobic (person with an exaggerated fear of clowns).

He dismissed his secretary for the night. She'd served him well and would not be consumed by the flames of hell before the morning. He cringed. He so wanted them to, but good help

He said, "You know if the President cannot carry out his duties, then the Vice President must step in." Michelle's eyes blazed, "Joe, you are baaaaad." Biden reached into his

The unmistakable smell of peppermint tea wafted through the building. Unusual for an abatoir, but this was no usual day

He aimed the rifle and shot sending a streak of dust through the air. Fat Andy raised his hands. "Kick your gun over here." The gun skidded across the Sonoran desert floor and

What else can I say? I hit him because he was Harry Potter, Justin Beiber, and Carrot Top all rolled into one! Hitting him was the least I could do! Heck, the other kids would

Jimmy didn't understand? Why was he in jail? "All I did was connect the dots as my teacher showed me." "Well yes" the policeman said " but these dot were on an in use Bikini. She's