Shuffling non-threatengly down the street,

Shuffling non-threatengly down the street, a horde of perfectly harmless Zombies™ (newly reformed and safe in every way, We Promise!™) headed to their day jobs.

The recycling of corpses replenished the workforce of the aging population and a economic boom made the U.S. a superpower again and the inventor of harmless Zombies™ Vandemort rich

The patent rights for Zombie Safe provided a comfortable income, but his riches came from franchising the Zombie supply and repair business, "Dead Certain". With over 2,000

retailers nationwide and plans for expansion, he had obviously made a living on stretching the truth about zombies. "Fortify your boarded windows with spit and Robitussin," he said

on the TV. Every day he bought the cheapest ad time available, often during the Oprah knockoffs. "Come down to Ed's for your lumber, jibsaws and razor wire. We've even got

shotguns you can shoot yourself with." This last offer was a very successful one, as people were often extremely depressed when they actually saw Ed's store. It was covered with

astro turf in an attempt to also run a driving range on the outside of Ed's store which on paper was genius but what ended up happening was

people turned it into a launching pad for food fights. They'd bring a sandwich, soda, and a five iron, and launch them into the nearest office park. A fued broke out between

the Crips and the Bloods. The Crips, who had been crippled from birth, were angry because the Bloods, who had been crippled after birth, weren't filing their taxes. Preposterous!

The prolonged, bloody gang war raged for decades, until the two gangs agreed to get married and file their taxes jointly. Peace prevails after all!