May I introduce myself? He handed me with his clawlike anntenae a business card reading "Yawunik Kootenayi - Lobster With Two Sets Of Eyes From 500,000,000 B.C."

I remember hearing that people would put coins on the eyes of a dead man as payment for Charon to cross the river Acheron. I wish someone bothered doing that for me because

As I observe Dan, my dachshund, I realize I am just like him. I know I shouldn't chew on Suzy's red Manolo Blahniks, but my instincts have proven otherwise. I'm a baaaaad doggy.

Last week on "Sparky Pickles" ... :

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.

The world was stunned to learn that, contrary to conventional wisdom, the majority of vegetables were sentient, intelligent creatures, and that, in fact, vegetarians were

Welcoming a black mass in this world is a milestone for family friends. A black mass at the foot of your bed is always regarded as a gift from heaven.

His mother folded her arms, "Yes you are." He leaned against the hockey stick, "No, you're wrong." His mother snickered and looked at his shoes. "Come on Nelson, you know for

No more dirty thoughts. Gotta let my sense of humor mature, I said. Then Ma gave me a meatloaf tip at dinner: "Too much touch dries out the meat." C-can't.. resist.. lotion joke...

"Stop the whirliness!"

The first person who read this didn't add anything.

Coach Goatham was standing in the change room doorway when he said "Has anyone seen my ball sack?" The teenage boys erupted into fits of laughter. Coach Goatham became upset

Fold here if you can't write.

The rain fell, noiseless. I hadn't even noticed that it was raining until he put an umbrella over my head. I knew he wouldn’t ask what was wrong and I wasn't planning on offering

It was a great beach day in the Pacific Northwest, 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. She packed a good book, cheese, smoked oysters, crackers and thermos full of ice and wine. At

The Angel of Death entered the Target. The first thing it noticed was the

Everyone's heard of Mother Goose, but no one's heard of Mother Bruce.

A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his

The Ninth Brigade of Doltish Ninnies was about to charge up the hill to take the enemy position, but they had forgotten where they put their weapons.

Red is green. Blue is orange. This is how I have to