The time has come to say goodbye. He waved his hand and sent a kiss, I replied with an erect middle finger. The train moved and slowly accelerated, he was stuck in the rails

Ida burrowed down the bed & placed her ice cold feet into the crook of her husband's knees. "Stop squealing like a girl! You'll get used to it," she said as he squealed like a girl

The worst thing in the world happened to me today. I got stuck in the elevator with Fred. You know what I'm gonna say next, dontcha? 'Cause everyone knows about Fred & how he farts

He was sad. He couldn't even peal a dam tomato! His girlfriend would arrive at any moment and he would be proved a useless idiot who didn't deserve her. Suddenly,

I ordered the penne, asked for more iced tea, and fiddled with my napkin. It was too much too soon - the crowd, a date, the fake plants, the odd number of slices in the bread-

I took my wedding ring off and rubbed the suntan lines around my finger. I set the ring next to my wife's photograph--like I've done every night since she passed. She use to say

May I introduce myself? He handed me with his clawlike anntenae a business card reading "Yawunik Kootenayi - Lobster With Two Sets Of Eyes From 500,000,000 B.C."

I remember hearing that people would put coins on the eyes of a dead man as payment for Charon to cross the river Acheron. I wish someone bothered doing that for me because

As I observe Dan, my dachshund, I realize I am just like him. I know I shouldn't chew on Suzy's red Manolo Blahniks, but my instincts have proven otherwise. I'm a baaaaad doggy.

Last week on "Sparky Pickles" ... :

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.

The world was stunned to learn that, contrary to conventional wisdom, the majority of vegetables were sentient, intelligent creatures, and that, in fact, vegetarians were

Welcoming a black mass in this world is a milestone for family friends. A black mass at the foot of your bed is always regarded as a gift from heaven.

His mother folded her arms, "Yes you are." He leaned against the hockey stick, "No, you're wrong." His mother snickered and looked at his shoes. "Come on Nelson, you know for

No more dirty thoughts. Gotta let my sense of humor mature, I said. Then Ma gave me a meatloaf tip at dinner: "Too much touch dries out the meat." C-can't.. resist.. lotion joke...

"Stop the whirliness!"

The first person who read this didn't add anything.

Coach Goatham was standing in the change room doorway when he said "Has anyone seen my ball sack?" The teenage boys erupted into fits of laughter. Coach Goatham became upset

Fold here if you can't write.

The rain fell, noiseless. I hadn't even noticed that it was raining until he put an umbrella over my head. I knew he wouldn’t ask what was wrong and I wasn't planning on offering