I was making a cheese and ham toastie by ironing the ingredients between 2 slices of bread. Now I had melted cheese all over my ironing board and the steam setting made the bread

Aunt Valetta paused from her squirrel ironing and her lip curled in disdain at Pa's offering. "Road kill don't make for good coats! I got my pride!" Her fur coat business

It is as they say: "Nice parrots finish last." TomCat had Squawkers pinned the the floor & went in for the kill. "BUT a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," Squawkers jerked

Come here and talk to your Uncle. Listen boy, if you want to invest in the future, two words. Pneumatic Tubes.

"You are my bride and glory," said the necromancer to the dead body.

If you like dumb, pointless stories, then this one's just for you.

"Oh." She paused. Then, "I thought horticulture was the study of prostitutes." It was little moments like these that reminded me why I loved her so much.

"Oh! Hey Bob! How's it goin'?" Bob whipped around. "You must be mistaken. My name's not Bob." "Sure it is, Bob." I squinted. "Yes, you're definitely Bob." Bob's adam's apple bobbed

"Por favor,bom dia...",Carl was having trouble with his Portuguese.He needed to find the house and talk to Maria asap,but nobody knew that street.not even the cab driver.Time was r

Emilio had almost dozed off twice on the long straight stretch of desert highway when one of the watermelons in the flatbed ahead of him exploded causing a chain reaction

Having the reputation in college as "The Guy Who Eats A Lot Of Pizza" is not quite a feat, but it might be an accomplishment. My discarded crusts spilled over on my overdue work

I'd agreed to give up my independence to be a part of the historic Human Supercomputer project. Our brains were linked together in series and questions were fed into our cortex.

If i tell you why i have six toes on my left foot, then will you sleep with me, she asked my friends and I.

Peanut went down the road, but he didn't cross it, as you might expect. He also did not wander into a pub, but he turned into the dark street, where he met an elephant who was

I love my spatula. No, I'm not some animated submarine sponge - I just truly appreciate the fine craftmanship, the heft, the scooping power of a finely made spatula. Sure, you're

I tried to smile through my tears. Predictably, Harry misinterpreted my crying as tears of joy. His expectations of me this Valentine's Day were just too high. I wanted out.

This morning I went to school and there was no one there...

He had the faintest recollection of having a truly outstanding idea. On his hand was written "asparagus goal priceless". Asparagus goal priceless? What in the hell did that mean?

At the inaugural meeting it became clear to the members of the Crumpet Lovers Society that they would need a larger venue. Crumpet Lovers struggled to hear the intense debate about

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