I am an aromiologist. Miss your early school years? I can mix a batch of chalk dust, mimeograph fluid, and slight whiff of industrial cleanser. First love? Cherry Lipsmacker,

He blinked as he read the newsletter. His story was featured this month. No warning, just dropped in the mail. He was beginning the victory lap tweet, but a knock on the door

The X-Men could have stopped the bank robbers and saved the day, but they were too busy bemoaning that they were mutants and no one understood them. The constant whining started

Janice got seriously stuck. She tried to wriggle her way out of the warm stinking mud, but every move made the mud suck her body further down. She was tired, hungry, thirsty and

My DVDs are being packed up and put into storage as

I dug under my couch cushions and found the remote, 75 cents, and some cheetos. But I also found an evil, staff-wielding capybara. "Can I get you something to drink?" I asked him.

When you have special powers beyond what the mind can conceive, you think you're invincible, but actually you're not. Everyone has a weakness, an Achilles heel. Mine was

The blacksmith agreed to forge me an axe if I brought him the head of a manakete and a vial of virgin tears. I didn't know of any virgin crybaby manaketes, so this would take time.

as i was walking to my friends house, i noticed that someone was following me. I wanted to turn around but i was scared so i started to run, I ran and ran till i ran out of breath

His eyes glazed as he looked into the dairy section. What did they put into a White Russian? Would non-dairy creamer work? Did they ever try buttermilk? At 3 am, his thoughts went

Nobody beats the Wiz. Except pehaps the Wiz. He was on a losing steak and just couldn't shake it. Hiis last attempt was to "go back to basics". Instead of turning her into a frog,

My friends were all laughing away at their lockers and I asked what's so funny? They said my best friends girlfriend was a riot, I knew she was stealing my best friend so I decided

Newt Gengrich laid in the dark in his Radisson hotel room. He'd asked for "non-smoking" but it reeked of Virginia Slims. He reached under his double chin and pulled out

He had only one gift, his farts smelled like an awesome Sunday breakfast. But you have to play the hand your dealt and he decided to make his gift work for him by

He was dressed in drag, had 8 neck tattoos and was purchasing 3 peaches, a large bottle of Popov, 2 boxes of Summer's Eve, some Cracker Jack, and a rolling pin. I said "Welcome to

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--" I screamed, then paused to take a deep breath. "--aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh." My friend blinked at me. "Wow," she said.

One morning when I woke up, I opened my eyes and looked to my left. What I saw was crazy, well more so that it shocked me and scared me to death. This thing that was next to me was

Raindrops tapped against the windshield as Paul sat in the driver's seat, lost in thought. Why had the Priestess asked him to lead the ritual? He was a new initiate. He hoped

"What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse, me?" "When you float an air biscuit, how many times does it stink?" "100% of the time." [pause] "Bullsh*t."

Well hidden from prying eyes, deep in the Beverly Hills, guarded by Brinks security, sits the Million Dollar Store. Everything is for sale for just a Million dollars.