Tonight is an excellent night for murder. It's beautiful outside, crisp with the fall wind adding an edge to the world. And she will love it as I will-for her it will be

Whereupon the intruder turned to me and said

Each anniversary, The Kraken would light a candle for Father Merin at St. Mary's By The Sea. It was Merin who had alerted The Kraken to the Invisible Ocean and its predators. But E

'A jetsam enema' is an anagram for 'James Manatee'. Coincidentally, our detective sensed a terrorist paddleboat dumping excess nukes in Lake Baikal, and he was gonna flush 'em out.

Cowboy TV is a cowboy, but he is also a television set! Everybody loves Cowboy TV!

It was such a cold winter day and mom still made me go outside and

The Devil makes work of idle hands. Since I'd been unemployed for over a year, I figured it was just a matter of time before he showed up. He was wearing a $4000 silk suit

Ralph was a rude crude dude! He didn't was his hands he just spit in his palm and rubbed his hands together. In a little while strings of filth would form and fall off his hands.

Once upon a time

Her crayons ground out a foreboding warning on the page. Her parents and principle called a meeting to decide how to get her to draw rainbows, but there were no rainbows in hell.

I’ve learned to embrace uncertainty. My path has changed and likely will continue to. The truth is I know almost nothing about almost everything. I suspect that’s the case for

Where is my mommy?

They had been living in IKEA for 6 mos. now. They ate .99 cent Swedish meatballs everyday and lounged in the model front rooms. When they got sick of a decor, they just walked to

IN the land of

"Whip it! Whip my Ted Nugent!" She'd called it her "Ted Nugent" ever since the carnival.

As a kid my mother gave me enemas. When I broke into the womens dorm and gave my first victim an enema the 'enema bandit' was born. The press and Zappa song made me famous.

I have too many skeletons and not enough space to keep them.

There was a picture of me sleeping on my phone. I live alone.

*CRASH* If he's told her once, he's told her a hundred times not to place wine glasses close to the alarm clock. However

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