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  • 22
    Avatar
    Tonight is an excellent night for murder. It's beautiful outside, crisp with the fall wind adding an edge to the world. And she will love it as I will-for her it will be
    Finished
    2010-12-01 21:31:48
    Took
    29 days, 15 hours, 13 minutes, 56 seconds
  • 24
    Avatar
    Whereupon the intruder turned to me and said
    Finished
    2011-02-14 22:22:32
    Took
    29 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes, 15 seconds
  • 66
    Avatar
    Each anniversary, The Kraken would light a candle for Father Merin at St. Mary's By The Sea. It was Merin who had alerted The Kraken to the Invisible Ocean and its predators. But E
    Finished
    2016-08-25 15:10:17
    Took
    29 days, 14 hours, 2 minutes, 31 seconds
  • 25
    Avatar
    'A jetsam enema' is an anagram for 'James Manatee'. Coincidentally, our detective sensed a terrorist paddleboat dumping excess nukes in Lake Baikal, and he was gonna flush 'em out.
    Finished
    2011-09-13 15:23:54
    Took
    29 days, 13 hours, 47 minutes, 50 seconds
  • 27
    Avatar
    Cowboy TV is a cowboy, but he is also a television set! Everybody loves Cowboy TV!
    Finished
    2011-02-26 16:50:28
    Took
    29 days, 13 hours, 5 minutes, 41 seconds
  • 13
    Avatar
    It was such a cold winter day and mom still made me go outside and
    Finished
    2011-09-10 01:17:57
    Took
    29 days, 12 hours, 33 minutes, 51 seconds
  • 32
    Avatar
    The Devil makes work of idle hands. Since I'd been unemployed for over a year, I figured it was just a matter of time before he showed up. He was wearing a $4000 silk suit
    Finished
    2013-10-24 15:49:21
    Took
    29 days, 12 hours, 22 minutes, 47 seconds
  • 3
    Avatar
    Ralph was a rude crude dude! He didn't was his hands he just spit in his palm and rubbed his hands together. In a little while strings of filth would form and fall off his hands.
    Finished
    2011-04-28 19:14:29
    Took
    29 days, 8 hours, 43 minutes, 57 seconds
  • 23
    Avatar
    Once upon a time
    Finished
    2016-04-28 01:43:03
    Took
    29 days, 7 hours, 52 minutes, 16 seconds
  • 9
    Avatar
    Her crayons ground out a foreboding warning on the page. Her parents and principle called a meeting to decide how to get her to draw rainbows, but there were no rainbows in hell.
    Finished
    2011-01-18 13:22:38
    Took
    29 days, 6 hours, 39 minutes, 57 seconds
  • 32
    Avatar
    I’ve learned to embrace uncertainty. My path has changed and likely will continue to. The truth is I know almost nothing about almost everything. I suspect that’s the case for
    Finished
    2017-09-15 12:44:10
    Took
    29 days, 6 hours, 33 minutes, 21 seconds
  • 33
    Avatar
    Where is my mommy?
    Finished
    2014-11-15 18:09:51
    Took
    29 days, 3 hours, 20 minutes, 32 seconds
  • 36
    Avatar
    They had been living in IKEA for 6 mos. now. They ate .99 cent Swedish meatballs everyday and lounged in the model front rooms. When they got sick of a decor, they just walked to
    Finished
    2011-01-17 00:56:42
    Took
    29 days, 2 hours, 8 minutes, 35 seconds
  • 26
    Avatar
    IN the land of
    Finished
    2015-11-05 20:59:23
    Took
    29 days, 2 hours, 39 seconds
  • 29
    Avatar
    "Whip it! Whip my Ted Nugent!" She'd called it her "Ted Nugent" ever since the carnival.
    Finished
    2013-02-05 15:17:14
    Took
    29 days, 45 minutes, 42 seconds
  • 32
    Avatar
    As a kid my mother gave me enemas. When I broke into the womens dorm and gave my first victim an enema the 'enema bandit' was born. The press and Zappa song made me famous.
    Finished
    2011-05-07 23:18:10
    Took
    29 days, 21 minutes, 11 seconds
  • 75
    Avatar
    I have too many skeletons and not enough space to keep them.
    Finished
    2018-12-13 12:21:19
    Took
    28 days, 23 hours, 50 minutes, 12 seconds
  • 32
    Avatar
    There was a picture of me sleeping on my phone. I live alone.
    Finished
    2018-12-13 12:12:24
    Took
    28 days, 23 hours, 36 minutes, 48 seconds
  • 16
    Avatar
    *CRASH* If he's told her once, he's told her a hundred times not to place wine glasses close to the alarm clock. However
    Finished
    2010-11-29 01:18:07
    Took
    28 days, 22 hours, 8 minutes, 43 seconds
  • 62
    Avatar
    "Hello and thank you for purchasing the Orgreenic Zero Point Energy Stove and Slushee Machine. To get maximum satisfaction from this product, please follow these instructions with
    Finished
    2013-03-29 00:24:42
    Took
    28 days, 22 hours, 2 minutes, 16 seconds
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