Oh God, not another job application! Here goes: First name: Wizard, last Name: Oz, Occupation:Pork Wizard. At Will Spells: Coat with Shake 'n' Bake, Baconator, Tofu to Bacon.

Brothers Neil and Lance both grew up dreaming of going to the moon. Lance thought to get to the moon he'd have to get really high. Neil approached the challenge with a

Detective Manatee stood back while this was occurring, so that he would not “get knocked over” when the dog was “spinning around trying to find” the source of

Okay guys, should I or should I not eat this doughnut?

"Push...Puuuuuuuush!C'mon,push!It's almost there..." the sales girl in the shoe store said once she realized those boots were not fit Ane's feet.It was almost closing time,those bo

Today, I will glue a price tag on an 800 pound barbell, carry it to the supermarket, lay it down on the far end of a cash register's conveyer belt. People will notice something is

"Hello. Clifford Naileyes, pro botanist, at your service, Madam." Madam Curry kissed him warmly and pled, "Oh Clifford, come quickly. The genus of my venus flytraps eludes me."

The fact that my face was a porcupine wasn't going to help my chances with her.

'Dear Sandra' the Email began, 'I know what I said last in the back of the car about what I felt for you, but in truth it was all lies. What I meant to say was that I thought you

What do you buy Kim Kardashian for Christmas? Yahoo! has the most incisive questions. I pondered this baffler into the wee hours of the new year. Only 357 shopping days left.

Seth pressed through dense undergrowth until he reached a faint, crooked path, the kind made by animals. Nearby stood a squat, gnarled tree with thorny leaves and black bark. Seth

But Kermit was sick of Ms. Piggy's crap. He started spending more time at the office, sometimes sleeping there. He wasn't having an affair (yet) he just didn't want to face the por

O fiendish hound! O damnable mutt of hellish demeanour! O appalling wolffish beastie! O dog of doom! Slavering cur!

This is a test of the Emergency FoldingStory System. FS writers across the world in voluntary cooperation with a few creative authorities have developed this system to keep you

"Now you will only be able to speak in Shakespearean vernacular." The kitschy witch laughed as the girl screamed in pain. Millennial ebonics were her life. Slang was her life force

There were only three people in the world that can make pecan pie to die for: my mother (god rest her soul,) me, and a Russian hit man. There can only be one.

In April 1914, Tony Russolo gave a concert of his Futurist music complete with the Intonarumori. His noise music caused a riot and the Intonarumori was allegedly destroyed. However

Josiah Cranshaw's storied life did not include him withering. So now he had some things to say before he started blithering:

Rrrrrrrungungungungungunngunnnnnn.... I looked over at him in the next lane. RrrrrRRRRRRUNNNNNNGUNGUNGUNGUNGUNGUNnnnnnnnn. He stared back at me. The light turned green.

After finishing the eye bags & flappy folds under his chin & age spots, the transformation was complete. He put on the sweat pants & white Keds & pushed the walker to the door.