It was the second last day of my life. I knew because the astrologer told me so. I then asked the astrologer if he knew that he would die that very day. when he said 'no' I killed

"I was 25 years old when I died for the first time" - he thought, looking through the glass. "And yet, I remember every detail - as it was yesterday". The red wine really got him

Epic Rap Battle David Lynch versus Edward Cullen. DL: "I've got damn good rhymes to lay the stakes in a pinch / So watch out motherfucker, you're about to get Lynched!"

Tonight seems weird. I got home and

What if Finn and Jake were evil and the Ice King was good?

"Just cos you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars." My beer foamed through my nose. "Dad, I thought your beer belly was to hide the unemployed dwarf."

Zed would never be confused for a smart boy, but he had all his faculties and was good with his hands. It just so happened that on this fateful day in August, Zed's concentration

"What's the worse that can happen father?" Jimmy asked, "Its not like i'm going to go into the store and a giant pelican is going to come in and take me away." his dad replied,"

Professor Xavier tried to break the news gently. "Thank you for applying, but the school is really intended for young people with mutant powers, so regrettably ..." Mr. Potatohead

This saga begins with a little man living in a cave. One day, the little man woke up to the sound of a bear sniffing his pants that were hanging from a rock a few feet away. Scared

Mission Log Entry 1: "3 a.m. My tent collapses again. I hope the cheap TVs will be worth it. The mother of 3 behind me gives me dirty looks. Can I trust her? Ooh, a door opens!"

Owls, everyone is fond of owls. except for mice and shrews, and

Squirt me she said. She pushed out her chest. He hit her will full force. Hot liquid shot out from the garden hose because it had been laying out. Her neck burned and she

The Lazy Suzanne trundled more heavily than usual. A flour bag, a cookie tin & a bag of english muffins rolled by, but then as it slowed a small shriveled human head came into view

"Ipswich is the last stop on this line," chortled the conductor. " Never anybody gets off there. Last I heard the Adicts were all gone. Disappeared just

I had a dream that I was covering in whip cream and Pamela Anderson was there ready to lick it off, but before she could her tongue transformed into a

Welcome to Pimp my Meal! with our cheapskate Chef Fats Waller. "Greetings greetings fellow gormandizers. Are you ready to grub-a-dub-dub? Today I pimp up this 2$ mac & cheese meal

What a stupid thing, Fate. The fact that this guy, whose head was about to be blown off by me, would start lecturing me about it, was just unbelievable! Fate was a stupid thing.

My dog woofed at me and I said what do you want Peanut Butter. He talked to me and my mother said WTF hahah my dogs such a douche Camel. my mother is also my sister

I was finally on my way outta the joint after the bum Grand Theft Auto rap that got pinned on me. My cousin Tony had come up on a Caddy and when he got pinched by the fuzz he put