I would be ashamed if you could hear my snarky thoughts. Like the pang of guilt an axemurder feels while axeing a vixen into smooshy eighths, this is how I know I'm a good person.

Let's talk about things taken out of context for a second. For example, if you were employed, & your paid job was to blow on a fire to keep it stoked, would you say you had a good

When the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons overstepped its bounds and outlawed the use of salt in domestic settings, the Salt Lords rebelled to overthrow them.

Small, round, fragrant when cut. Not just an unripe lemon. A military weapon. A tantric tonic against evil. Skin exposed to the juice and then sun can develop phytophotodermatitis.

I didn't plan on becoming a courtesan. But when I met the Comte de Camembert at the Opera de Ville, I couldn't resist his offers of chateaux, gold Louis and fine stallions. Helas!

"Don't forget to stop and smell the roses once in a while," my mom said. It's as if she didn't know that inefficiency is a federal crime. I stepped into the teleportation chamber

All ye beware. The great Guinea Pig Purger has come. He shall cleanse the world of all wickedness--and guinea pigs.

Once upon a time when all the walri were nearly dead and the cat ran away with the spoon the sniper took out his sandwich and began to eat. Suddenly he heard the sound of a

A coffee mug flew across the room, crashing against the kitchen wall. The pots & pans rattled overhead while the oven door open & closed repeatedly. My kitchen was haunted by

Ms. Sneedly gasped as she looked over Tommy' s shoulder. It took a moment for her to speak. "What did you draw there, Tommy?" she asked unsteadily, trying to smile. Tommy stared up

On January 23, 2015 there will be a 7.4 earthquake centered just east of Fresno, CA. It will be a tragedy for a few; a moderate disturbance for some. It will also bring together

Clawing her way upward, Chloe reached the top. Nails torn, knees bloodied, but she was safe. Now for the real challenge-- Hindu.

Inasmuch as the ingrate became sad, her softly embedded stoicisms themselves slowly softened. If her bosom was uninviting as a place of rest for sheer age, she captured with story

That old bag is made of cells. Cells are bags of liquid and proteinaceous glob. They contain organelles. Organelles are just smaller bags with more liquid and glob. Tea bag theory

Bianca was procrastinating by taking the Psychology Today 'Why Do You Procrastinate?' quiz. There was a tiny thump - a dead mouse had fallen out of the hole next to the radiator

5:44:13, 5:44:14, 5:44:15. There were only a few seconds left, before the boy was going to wake up. I hurried, placing it into my hand. I looked again: 5:44:55: Time for Plan B.

Should sex be used as a reward (do this and I'll do that)? A threat (do this or I'll do that)? An identity (be a man)? A fill-in-the-blank bubble (M, F, Other)? Should marital sex

I smartcar sized snot-like jellyfish spread itself across our path on the pebbly beach shore. I could see the digested remains of

Lawyers roll down the hill listnening to those parliament walls crashing and clanging and making a darned pest of themselves. Arghhh!!!!

I said it was too early for gin Rickeys and she said it was too late for eggs Benedict. Our relationship was in different time zones.