As my accomplices and I faced Utah's firing squad, I liked my chances. Not only was I short, but I was also discreetly wearing a kevlar body suit. Playing dead in 3, 2, 1..."Fire!"

"A napkin? Psh, I'm GOOD at transferring food from a plate to my mouth via my hands." Seconds later, BBQ sauce dripped into pa's lap. He needed an excuse, so he faked an injury.

The FFS Mandible drifted through ultraspace. The replicator was busted, the nearest Costco was 500 parsecs away and the crew was out of beer, pretzels and taco pizzas. Cap'n Storm

When live gives you lemons, you make lemonade, that's the obvious answer. But when...

Here I am again following him on a sunday morning. As he goes down the street wind blows his long curly hair. He turns right on the White River Avenue and sees Bob, they enter....

She asked me if I folded any good stories lately. I paused to think about it. Farted. Thought some more. Grabbed us some beers. Then said yeah, it was no Squawkers, but I did fold

He was scanning the want ads & found it under a picture of Shaka Zulu riding an Alpaca. It read "Adventurous souls with no attachments or moral ballast. Expedition to sulphurous

I knew what I had to do: sneeze. That was the only way left to create a distraction. As expected, everyone looked at me. What I didn't expect were their angry glowing purple eyes.

An inside-out Uncle was not a pleasant sight to behold, he thought, as he beheld the steaming viscera beneath the monacle and toupée that was all that was left of Baron Furvile. If

Exhausting the possibilities of modern pedagogy, teachers began to resort to "the old ways": Druidic magic, totems, shamanism and vision quests. Surprisingly, the latest data show

Something's wrong with the avocado pears.

Mind reading is very real & anyone can do it. You just need total concentration & practice. Try it at your next family function. You'll need to stare directly at them for at least

Lightning flashed across the craggy face of the mountain as I lifted my head against the pelting rain. I welcomed the storm. It seemed a fitting backdrop for what lay ahead.

You wanna call me up? Take my number down It's 222-2222 I got an answering machine that can talk to you It goes Hey how ya doin' Sorry ya can't get through But leave your n

Look at that British girl who lived off of chicken nuggets for almost eighteen years, ” Wenkel continued. “The fact that her body was able to utilize the meager nutritional value o

My full heart bids me boldly sing the horses of the ravisher from Dis and the stars darkened by the shadow of his infernal chariot and the gloomy chambers of the queen of Hell.

Red alert! Red alert!

"Open the door!Please,let me out of the storeroom!"shouted Thalia.Thalia was locked in the storeroom by the school bullies,Travis Stoll and Connor Stoll.She tried to brake the ....

Joe RavenCrow cast the circle and tuned his field. "O Mighty Kool Aid Man, hear my call! Please help me with my drinking problem. I ask this in your name. Oh Yeah!" The wind stirre

“These are humans Tal, useless pieces of shit that we use for fuel. No one feels bad for squishing a few insects.”