Thanks to an initiative to prevent any misunderstanding from happening ever, a speed reading limit of 250 words per minute was enacted. Drunk reading was now very illegal, as was

I am not angry. I wish I was, but I'm too old to feel anything but numb. "You know he did try and find you after the march, but Souci you had eyes for everyone but the star"

Josh from work was forced by necessity to buy a pint at The Famous Cock in Highbury last Tuesday. He told me this in an email even though he was sitting at the desk abutting mine

If I stand on tiptoe I think I might be able to reach it. I'm worried about what might happen after, if course. Once I've pulled it out, will I be able to put it back again?

Etta's first husband died after falling into the birthing pool and getting the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.

The air was chill. Silence filled the empty night.

He walks in the shadows. All he knows is what he sees; the repeat of the same pattern all around. Tall, concrete buildings, no green. Only on the next turn did he realize

My next novel is: '49 shades of beige'. Mensaque can write the rude bits. I'll write the descriptions of... trees & stuff, maybe the odd joke. Do they have jokes in erotic fiction?

The movie was rated PG-45. He was refused entry. Why would adults need parental guidance? Was there a secret kept from adults like sex is from kids? His mom agreed to go with him.

Old McDonald had a farm, eieio & on that farm he had a ferret eieio, with a dook dook here & a dook dook there, here a dook, there a dook, everywhere a dook dook. Old McDonald had

Canuck Lovers and Canadian Mounties swear by our patented moose musk recipe pills. Never go on a camping trip without a supply! Don't be gunshy! Order now and we'll add this

Sanic da hedghod and Tail the Echidna were walking through Gren hell zome, when all of a sudden Eggpan came and hit us with a boopy hammer. Then Jon was all like "DA BOOPINIST" and

Because of my shoes. I'm wearing today. One is called love. The other is pain.

I think I might be a porcupine because a porcupine would feel just like I do right now.

K.C. and the Sunshine Band showed up at my door today. What was I to do? I invited them in, puzzled, but pretending not to be. They seemed to be expecting me to

One day I got bored and decided to make a golem. Finding the clay was easy enough, and I had the free time, so, before I knew it, I was standing before a 6' clay simulacrum of

It's been a week now since my wife left for her mothers. I slept Surprisingly well for the first few nights of her absence, it felt great to come home to a quiet house.

Amanda Widdershins looked around at her new apartment: modern, reasonably well made, good view of the city lights, but sterile somehow compared to the farmhouse she had sold. She

I kick ass. It's unbelievable how much ass I kick. Should be illegal; probably is. Don't care. Too busy kick'n ass. All day; all night. Asleep, you'd be like "Damn, that guy kicks

Bob, a contestant on " Who wants to be a Millionaire", was on the last question. "What is the first letter of the alphabet?. Is it A) D , B) C, C) A or D) B." " To this Bob answer