I hardly ever wore the dark blue Dockers that hung in my closet neglected until Easter Sunday or the three hours my father reserved for sobriety during my birthday dinner.

And then he finally said it, "Jesus Christ! Shut up with the rules. If I'd known you'd be like this I wouldn't have married you." And then she folded her arms and

Phyllis peered inside her brown paper lunch sack, awestruck. Just yesterday evening, she had carefully tucked a bologna and brown mustard sandwich in there.

Robin Hood and Little John went hoppin through the forest. Little John said "Robin Hood, would you eat my porridge?" Robin Hood said

I have never been here before. I smell newness that doesn't fit and taste fear on the lips of the woman I just made love to under the verandah. Tulips and cigarettes and loathing

Subconsciously, he'd learned to compartmentalize. There was her, & then everyone else. Everyone else had a target on their back without a price tag attached. Clients set the price

The Capitol Records boardroom was quiet. The assistant to the music exec said, my idea is a group called, "Def-tones-Loc." It's part 80's rock, Hip-Hop and

My idea to combine elements of Goethe's Faust with Shelley's Frankenstein into an apocalyptic tale of nuclear Armageddon finally got some creative input from reality when

A Flee and a Fly in a flue? Just what I supposed to do with a Flee and a Fly in a flue. But then suddenly I knew just what I could do with a Flee and a Fly in a flue. Do You?

The first item in his inbox was another rejection from the New Yorker. They had no interest in his zombie stories, zombie cartoons, or zombie theater reviews. The next message

The Gecko turned to Obama and said, "Listen Chap, I put a lot of cash in your war chest a few years ago. All I want is for the government to approve my buying Farmer's insurance

Have you ever seen something so horrific, so abhorrent to nature that your brain had to erase all memory of it after the fact just so you could go on living? Once you hear my story

Well, it all started the day Pudgy the poodle fell into the open manhole. I mean, the dog wasn't that bright, but this was a new low. He was chasing his tail when he took a step

She put on the cocktail apron and adjusted her earrings. The guests would be showing up any minute. All that was in the pantry was decaf coffee and nutmeg. Trouble was brewing.

I sat down with a piece of toast in my hand and stared at the laptop thinking of a love story to write to my thousands of fans for a book to come out next year, I sat there then

"I can prove God exists." It was manifestly odd remark coming from a man who'd professed to be an atheist all his life, but when Gordon took me to his laboratory and showed me

Drek slammed the empty stein on the bar. "Let me at that dart board." he slurred. The bartender eyed him quizically and swept the shattered crockery. Drek lifted his double-axe and

His wife was visiting her mother again - the dishes piled up in the sink. He ordered pizza, watched tv & surfed 'til 4am, slept until noon, didn't shave. He reached a new low when

They threw him out in South Central LA with no money, no shoes and only his camera crew. Now it was time for Bear Grylls to survive in the harshest environment. He

They McDonald's cashier politely asked my dad to pull forward and the food would be brought out. "Hell No, I won't pull forward this is supposed to be FAST food." Shame crept