Do your elbows chafe as you browse the information superhighway? With just a dollop of bacon grease, your problems will be solved. Some other useful tips:

For most of his childhood, Martin took for granted the wax figures sitting in the drawing room. They were Gramps & Grandma. But one day his lively Aunt Tilly sat in waxy stillness

I give up. After many a long debates, you win. Despite how upsetting it may be, I will now call Animal Crackers, Animal Cookies.

I know where there is some hidden treasure... that is, if you're lookin' for some... If you click on "ADD" and then ALMOST FINISHED", you'll find it.

I was the first person to know my brother was gay. He choose my 17th birthday to tell me. He didn't buy me a present, but this news was the best present I could ever receive.

"Excuse me Sir, may I take your coat? No. Miss Penelope sends her apologies she be not well. I'd glad t' see you have recovered from a bout o' scurvy. Are you expectin' any other

"You don't do it like THAT you do it like THIS!" I shouted, choking back the tears. Once again I carefully rearranged the teacups in a straight line. They were fucking my day up.

Hmmmm....pole dancing classes down at the senior citizen center sounds kinda fun, thought Ella. No experience necessary. Orthopedic shoes OK, the ad said. But when Ella got there

Ode to a prickly pair. O, those barbs the spite the base intentions of human folly. For is it the bitter fruit whose sting bites back as if to say, 'Ah the succulent spoil of lifes

My nipples had been sore all day, but I hadn't had a chance to check them - work was crazy busy, and I didn't want to be late for yoga afterward. That night when I finally checked

Would you rather produce earwax so quickly it falls out of your ears every minute OR have a constant "wet spot" in the crotch of your pants?

It was on an endless loop. Eternally. Forever. "I am job." Robin Williams said in Mrs. Doubtfire. Weird. Creepy. Over and over again, "I am job."

In April 1914, Tony Russolo gave a concert of his Futurist music complete with the Intonarumori. His noise music caused a riot and the Intonarumori was allegedly destroyed. However

Hilarious dialogue + Zany interlude / Sexual innuendo (Blatant intercourse) - Blurring the lines * Picking up the spare = X. Ex-girlfriend's parents + financial opportunity = Y.

"To be successful...." Thus started my speech. It was pretty much the same opening each time. And they bought it. Can you believe that? What if they find out I really

I was walking my dog, but the leash slipped out of my hands, and he ran off. When I found him, all I could do was stare in awe. Spot was sitting next to a person. A dead person.

OK, THIS is IT. I am tired of messin' around! 2 points here, 3 points there...it's pitiful. This story right here...the one you are reading right now...is gonna earn 100 points or

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away,

"Edenopteran keithcrooki, boned fish, inhabited shallow shores of Godwana." Greg looked at the sleek high domed skull and 4 cm fangs. "That's no boned fish. It's the Alien."

The limerick is furtive and mean, You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums, And promptly becomes, Disorderly, drunk and obscene.