"What's your Wind-to-Stank ratio?" ""scuse, me?" "When you float an air biscuit, how many times does it stink?" "100% of the time." [pause] "Bullsh*t."

Well hidden from prying eyes, deep in the Beverly Hills, guarded by Brinks security, sits the Million Dollar Store. Everything is for sale for just a Million dollars.

"Let the penguin boxing match begin," said the announcer. Everyone in the audience cheered. The penguins squawked in confusion as they were put into the ring. "And...FIGHT!"

Pop went the weasel, his eys first bulging and then shooting from their sockets. The weasel had been one of the best-known

So sitting on the back deck of the boat, all of my past insecurities came rushing back. I hollered to those folks hanging over the edge of the bridge "Hey you, what's

I gotta admit, Marvin, that's one heck of a carrot, said farmer Joe. In all 50 years of his farming life he had never seen a carrot like that. Marvin felt Joe's jealousy and simply

The year was 2078, and The Bionic Replica of Jeb Bush was entering its 7th consecutive term as President of the United States of America and That One Real Nice Part of Asia. Jeb

Splinter from a Road House. Pork Cracklin's. Mixed in a cauldron of piping hot full sugar coke. Poured into a boot. The Honky-Tonk Witch had finished making her Hill Billy Magic

Countdown... 1 2 3 4 5 Blastoff!

I remember my dad had this 8-track. I tried to find out so much about the town he was singing about in the song so I could go see the crazy police with samurai swords

If I could back as an animal I would come back as an octopus and hide in my ex-girlfriend's tub so I could

A long time ago I found shoe box filled with silver dollars. It was buried under my grandmother's porch along with a box that contained a wedding gown.

A mouse ran from the barn as the owl swooped to the ground. He missed. For now the youngster was safe, but for how long.

"Why yes, all you can eat puke. What I great idea!" I replied sarcastically. Well what direction do you expect a conversation started about finding teeth in your sausage to lead to

Investment poodle futures bottomed out but the rest of my canine portfolio was doing well. I advised my clientele Afghan options were about to spike. My insider "Deep Paws"

Reality was overloaded, Suddenly the world exploded! ...a man was left on the moon, alone. Watching as he lost his home. The war lasted just one minute, humanity didn't win it.

I heard a scream so I ran toward my car. I did not get to it before

The sun burned my back as I walked down the beach. It has been a long, hot day that took a lot out of me and I was ready to relax in the hotel pool.

My Last Holiday

Fish were falling from the sky - specifically haddock, though it was reported that one house down the lane had been covered in squid instead. It was July in Scrumpy, Georgia, so