Flip the burger, peel the cheese, blob of mayo and blotter of ketchup, fancy ketchup. Wilhelm hated this job but, it was the only one he could get because

Pop went the weasel, his eys first bulging and then shooting from their sockets. The weasel had been one of the best-known

It was a night just like any other. I had two slugs, one in my magnum, and the other in a bottle of whiskey. I kicked my feet up on the desk to take a nap, when she walked in...

"Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy..." The song was running through my head like a drum beat. The cars were at a standstill. I tapped the accerator

I knew the second my foot hit the pavement, life would never be the same. My parents divided the move into two painful days, spending the first night in some small Minnesota town.

Johnny 5000 was a kleptomatic man-bot with little on his mind but picking pockets and stealing ladies' hearts. Stepping into the

Raindrops tapped against the windshield as Paul sat in the driver's seat, lost in thought. Why had the Priestess asked him to lead the ritual? He was a new initiate. He hoped

Pssst, hey. Yeah. Yeah, you. You wanna get loco? Try this: shave the inside of 2 bananas and dry it for 3 days. Then get some bufotoxin from a psychoactive toad's back warts and

He was stuck like a truck in the muck, perhaps he would free with a fart? The fart came and it went, but no he was not sent, the toot just had no heart. Now we must

"Hammer, let's try this again, hammer." said Bobby Skids into the phone. "Hammer, if I don't say hammer at the beginning and end of every sentence, I die hammer." We continued the

He let go of the shark's fin, which an instant later exploded. Shoved upward by the shockwave, he was intercepted by a passing outboard motor, snarling his scuba gear. It sputtered

It didn't seem important at the time. All she said was, "Nana, you have a big butt." That should have been the end of it, but then the nightmare began.

He let the meter expire. The meter maid came, and as she wrote a ticket he through the skill saw blade and hit her in the neck. A man walking a dog saw the whole thing and

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. Not at all. In fact it was a clear, warm beautiful day with just a hint of sunlight that filtered through the stained-glass windows. Or at least

The masked men stormed in, yelling, "This is a stick-up!" But the tellers of Tightwad Bank had been trained to fight back. They jumped over their desks and

Once upon a time, a teacher....

There was a time in my life when my feet were webbed.

The words had come out of her mouth in pitch-perfect bitchery. A frost settled across the breakfast table. He smiled, and closed his lap top. He picked up the scrambled

To get me back, Ole Scratch sent me a plague of chickens, who stealthily laid their eggs of evil within my home. Nothing to do but continue the grim egg hunt. If one ever hatched

When people heard he carried a defibrillator, they instantly thought heart problems, but his heart was fine. It was his brain. He looked at it. Too bad Ceasar didn't have one.