The desert continent became his first conquest, leaving in his wake a sea of glass and smoldering crystalline statues.

Defenseless kittens lazed in the sun outside the second story window. They'd made their way up the precarious awning to the ledge in hopes that the mouse farm's air conditioner

His son came to him with a picture of a family, in crayon, holding hands in front of a box house with a smiling yellow sun. His dad hawked a loogey and spat it right on the drawing

My wife's parents sat at the dinner table. They judge everything I do. The green beans were tepid, the butter cold, but they liked the meatloaf. I said, "You should it's your daugh

There may be a karmic reason Antonin Scalia is an anagram for "Anal Inactions." I mean, just yesterday, he

Her smile was as infectious as the plague, even to the boys who were told by their fathers not to ever, ever bring an Indian girl home. I didn’t care about any of that. One kiss

I realized why my father, even when drunk, only pounded on my bedroom door to wake me in the morning. I suddenly felt somehow responsible for my mother leaving. Reaching for my

The fact that it was a girl making some of those sounds was what got me out of the car and around the side of the station.

I’d made a habit of hunching my shoulders and frowning when I saw myself in the mirror, practicing toughness that didn’t come naturally to my smirky, jovial face. The older I

What was so remarkable was that it was the first specific thing I could remember about that night other than walking out of there alive. J. Kelso, my former employer had used

They said the car was haunted, and I believed it was. Not by phantoms but by memories. Scents, textures, the sound of denim on leather. Stimuli passed down by

Parry, dodge, spin! I loved the Daffy Duck / Robin Hood short cartoon from the 40s.

"What have you done?"she said looking at me like as if I were an alien."What?",I asked feeling hurt by her reaction."Why can't I just seat here and enjoy a

Black Bart didn't give a flying fuck about nothin or nobody. He once sharted an entire pork chop and didn't even notice. So he was genuinely surprised when

It was a stoke of luck that the pirates left me on this planet in this area. Little did they know that this had been my "Fortress of Solitude" as I roamed the Universe in search

"What the Hell is in an Ornage Julius, anyway?" The customer was clealry a torublemaker, so Inez threw him her most savage look. "You want one, or not?" She began tapping her foot.

Polatitions are rubbish because....

It was among the grisly discoveries as a group of men folk on horseback tried to solve what appears to be an Indian massacre of a farm homestead.

I'm the worst procrastinator. At my wedding, I sent an sms to say "We're through" to my Ex just before I said "I do" to my Fiance. The others at the PA meeting weren't impressed.

"Internet porn?" she screamed indignantly, acting as if it wasn't a part of every male teen's life. "That's trash, and I don't want to see any more of it in my house!"