Ted Merely is a native Utahn who could pack a lot in 30 minutes

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Mustard was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice Read more: http://www.pan

This one time at band camp

The man who read these enchanted words decided to add to them. The words he added were almost as enchanted as these. But he decided that he would include the word 'Clock' once.

"Hello all! I'm KJ Nutt, hole expert. Did you know? Holes can be used to stand in! And, they can actually make you appear a bit shorter or 'smaller'.

Hardy knew that fucker spilled that scalding water on purpose. But Laurel's dead, soulless eyes, the eyes of a killer, meant he couldn't hurt him directly. Oh god, did he know?

The man with a machine heart whispered to his armless companion in binary: 100111010010110

It was one of those weeks when my arm had looked like it had been put in a food blender. As I was getting changed for P.E one of the mean slutty girls noticed my acts of self harm.

Lentils, the limitless legume

Ralph's parents watched their 20 year old son play with building blocks. Earlier he explained he was making a castle. Ralph's parents thought their son was a loser.

Would you rather produce earwax so quickly it falls out of your ears every minute OR have a constant "wet spot" in the crotch of your pants?

Once upon a time, a girl named Chris was walking down the road. However, the road was lava. Chris fell in the lava road and ended up in a coma. When Chris woke up, she smelt tacos.

Philomena Cunk, Chairman of Cunk Inc, strode into the boardroom. She had a brace of lawyers with her but they'd be useless in the brawl that would follow her announcement

After years of research and development, we have discovered the exact genes for the cold virus. We have applied for a patent and contacted companies for trademark naming rights.

Once upon a time there was a lonely girl named liz, she had

There was a man who made a device that could turn animals into anthros. He first used it on a

I wanted her to like me so much. Then she said, "You're cute." Alright. "The way the potato chip crumbs are lodge in your belly rolls." Damn.

The atmosphere within the confines of the orange skin was rib-cracking. My body ached as I tried to find my balance and sift the remnants of the night before out of the crevicesof

Here he comes now! The earth trembled with each step Bubba took as he approached the club. The bouncers moved respectfully away, while those who didn't know better stared at him.

I liked walking among the red maples. They were tall. And red. And they made me feel at peace with the world. But while I was meandering, the earth split in two and swallowed me wh