I'm all alone....without a sweater...in the dark. in a room. in sesame street. the had kidnapped me and now i was being held hostage. who'd figure a childrens show would do this?!?

Crap, there's Matilda. I will look in the opposite corner of the room and walk like I have something to do. What's that on my shoe? Dog crap? Damn, well I can't worry about that

A feeling of unease took hold of me as I noted that I was surrounded by ironic kids in bad clothes. I had somehow wandered into a den of hipsters. One of them offered me a PBR

"Pickled onions are quite a tasty snack", said Darryl, finishing off a whole jar of his wife's home made fayre. "Slow down, Dar!" said Anita, shocked at her husband's gobbling.

Her room mate hates the word "vagina," which makes how-was-your-day conversations awkward as she works as a physician's assistant for a gynecologist. So euphamisms are a way of

Her crayons ground out a foreboding warning on the page. Her parents and principle called a meeting to decide how to get her to draw rainbows, but there were no rainbows in hell.

I told you before that when you want something done, you hire three contractors for peanuts and give the massive bonus to whomever succeeds first.

David and Vic were farmers with adjoining property. They had been fighting for several years about water rights. Vic passed David while driving his truck and became angry when

The BEATles. Not Beetles, B E A T les. They changed the name to incorporate something musical. Some kind of group of musical insects or something. Why some ass had to kill one

There was recently a major release of substances from a waste disposal site in the county. Owen is the current owner of the site; Fred is a former owner. Hap is the producer of the

the bathroom tiles where cold on her feet. she sat on the lip of the bath tub, listening to the tick tock of the kitchen timer waiting for the sign. he stood outside the door

these pretzels are making me thirsty!

Look again at the Maltese vertigo near the keypoint. Subservient feelings will attempt a cover up, but you must not give way. Look and see them, on the canyon cliffs, bleeding on

Don't piss old St. Nick off this year let me tell ya! The North Pole is not immune to a recession! I heard that if you're on the "naughty" list this year that he's going to

The books fell from the shelf and onto her head, but they were paperbacks. This was the second quake in five minutes. The first had caused her parents to fall from the balcony.

The drug cartel has shot up like a weed. Grown beyond his wildest dreams. They were now the government of Mexico, calling the shots. He finally could make

They had been living in IKEA for 6 mos. now. They ate .99 cent Swedish meatballs everyday and lounged in the model front rooms. When they got sick of a decor, they just walked to

"Let the dice fall where they may" he said. "But these are dice made from the bezoar we dug from your stomach last month". "It didn't kill me then and it won't --" he started

The scent of pine covered his fingers and reminded him it was Christmas time when he leaned a cheek against his fist. Only two days left, but five before Christmas. He would never

No, no, Bruce. Not Butt Pirates. But pirates. They are grammar terrorists.