Don't piss old St. Nick off this year let me tell ya! The North Pole is not immune to a recession! I heard that if you're on the "naughty" list this year that he's going to

Look again at the Maltese vertigo near the keypoint. Subservient feelings will attempt a cover up, but you must not give way. Look and see them, on the canyon cliffs, bleeding on

these pretzels are making me thirsty!

the bathroom tiles where cold on her feet. she sat on the lip of the bath tub, listening to the tick tock of the kitchen timer waiting for the sign. he stood outside the door

There was recently a major release of substances from a waste disposal site in the county. Owen is the current owner of the site; Fred is a former owner. Hap is the producer of the

The BEATles. Not Beetles, B E A T les. They changed the name to incorporate something musical. Some kind of group of musical insects or something. Why some ass had to kill one

David and Vic were farmers with adjoining property. They had been fighting for several years about water rights. Vic passed David while driving his truck and became angry when

I told you before that when you want something done, you hire three contractors for peanuts and give the massive bonus to whomever succeeds first.

Her crayons ground out a foreboding warning on the page. Her parents and principle called a meeting to decide how to get her to draw rainbows, but there were no rainbows in hell.

Her room mate hates the word "vagina," which makes how-was-your-day conversations awkward as she works as a physician's assistant for a gynecologist. So euphamisms are a way of

"Pickled onions are quite a tasty snack", said Darryl, finishing off a whole jar of his wife's home made fayre. "Slow down, Dar!" said Anita, shocked at her husband's gobbling.

A feeling of unease took hold of me as I noted that I was surrounded by ironic kids in bad clothes. I had somehow wandered into a den of hipsters. One of them offered me a PBR

Crap, there's Matilda. I will look in the opposite corner of the room and walk like I have something to do. What's that on my shoe? Dog crap? Damn, well I can't worry about that

I'm all alone....without a sweater...in the dark. in a room. in sesame street. the had kidnapped me and now i was being held hostage. who'd figure a childrens show would do this?!?

Lars was burnt in Fife, Washington, and braised as a Boy Scout. He groped his eleventh disc-jockey for his pukey radio station at the age of 13 after which

The adrenaline was pulsing through my body. I was dripping sweat from running. I was huddled in the corner, listening for any indication that I was not alone. Then I saw

They missed the last ferry home because her dad was on the toilet and refused to let them leave until he was done. No courtesy flush meant the stench was palpable when

That's when the guy in the seat next to me let out a big, smelly fart! I was horrified, I was mortified I was

"My love for you is unending," she cried, as he gulped the last bit of his beer. "Chandra," he stated flatly, "Writing my name in bathroom stalls does not mean you love me."

Great! Roberta's boyfiend had given her a pet monkey and no animals were allowed in her building. OInly one place to hide it. In the