"Begone those grey dingy vestmans! I'll make them white!" Samwise turned down the TV. Thank the Valar,Bilbo & Frodo didn't see Gandalf stooping to make commercials for $aruman, Inc

Burroughs rang up Borges on his clatterdemalion. "Do you have anything to do with this? This is like my cut-up game, but I wonder about some of the source texts." Borges was in the

'Twas a bright and sunny day outside, but inside the mind of Lyra Burns, things were much different.

soon after the volcano erupted and she could see the fleeting lives that would soon be nothing but corpses

"I am not a consumer -- I am a free man!" That trademark rallying cry of the reboot rocketed "The Village" into record viewership and ad revenue on a fading cable network. Shane Mc

Jerry stammered into a room filled with people dressed in full Halloween costumes. Everyone turned and gazed at him as if he were the odd looking character.

The Meaning Of Life. Part I I have come to realize that modern life in western society has become nothing more than a mad rat race, and that we have completely lost touch with our

My spaniel, Birdy, loves me very very much. But if she could find a way of doing it without getting told off, then she'd eat me all up. I have no illusions about this whatsoever

My bloody head dangled upside down mere inches from the boiling cauldron as I fought against my bindings. "I'll ask you ONE MORE TIME!" screeched Hagatha. "WHAT OF THE TOAD?!!!!"

Bob the Blobfish was winner of the 'Yearly Ugliest Creature of the Ocean' Contest (YUCO), beating out Stan the Stonefish & Gary the Goblinshark. His face had an uncanny similarity

"One, two, three, four, five.....no....one, two, three, four..... where'd you go? Oh. One, two, three, four, five.... Where is number six, there are supposed to be six."

"Call Rich, tell him I need Botox real bad!", Dame Polly said while getting a pedicure. "What is the phone number?", her pedicurist asked. Dame Polly gave her the number.

"Hahaha." laughed Slorbnx. "How in the Four Drinplngs is that supposed to work? A planet orbiting one sun with a dark period? Dream on Notwen!" Notwen's antennae retracted glumly.

The one and only purpose of life is: A hand of Rummy

Yesterday Tom graduated from the city's grueling 13 week Street Sweeper boot camp. In a couple of hours he will carry his new broom & dustpan to take his place on the frontlines.

Don’t eat the brownies.

"One man's junk is another man's pacifier,"

Who said: "If you don’t understand a healthcare bill, that means it is designed to screw you." ? It wasn't Dilbert, but do you care? Just believe it.

Mabel was sick and tired of her tiny piglet, but didn't want to piss off the animal activists by doing anything too hasty. Scooping up the squealing porker, she shoved Wilbur into

To become someone great is a terrible ordeal that only few pass, and Sampson wasn't going to be one of them. He had never wanted to be great, he had only ever wanted to leave his