I awoke bolt upright. After last night's bender, I thought I would wake up in my bed (or someone else's.) Instead, I was in front of my laptop, my hands pressed to the keyboard.

"Tall chai green tea soy latte?" Shouted the barrista. The fist grabbed the cup. It exploded into a fine mist, all over everyone. Clark Kent dropped the crumpled cup. "Sorry."

Powell Austen was a double accounting agent. That is he was a mild-mannered accountant posing as a secret agent. He checked that he wasn't followed to the park & opened his ledger.

You're parent's don't love you like I do the imp cooed to the boy through his window Come with me to the woods and well have grand adventures The imp's smile showed his sharp fangs

The black masked chef flicked a shuiriken which neatly split the lobster in two. My date shrieked with pleasure. The Ninjahana Restaurant had its share of 'accidents' however and

Wow, so many shipping options: Ground, air, next-day, Santa... ...Santa? It says here that he accepts payment in cookies. I'm not sure how I feel about elf labor, but at this price

How to create a hoverboard: Attach 2 x GAU-8 Avenger's to a skateboard and fire gun into the ground to create lift and propulsion.

Sunday is a happy person. She wears fancy clothes and is always smiling. She loves good food, picnics and parties and sometimes goes to church. Monday, on the other hand is sad

"You don't do it like THAT you do it like THIS!" I shouted, choking back the tears. Once again I carefully rearranged the teacups in a straight line. They were fucking my day up.

"Argonaut to Titan Station I, attempting emergency orbit insertion sequence to Vulcan. Apogee at...T-9 min. Artifact is transmitting in tight beam X-band. Drake here. Do you Copy?"

So this "Saltine eating challenge" was all new to me. Saltines are smallish & not that intimidating, that is until there are 5 in your mouth & ur not allowed to drink anything. So

Most super heroes devote their lives to fighting crime. I was different. I decided to devote myself to solving 1st world problems. People who lived in highly developed countries

Toledo. Crap and Heaven. Before I bleed to death, I would like to tell my tale. It begins in a sinkhole near

My family looks upon my career as printer salesman with some derision, but I'm about to make the deal of a lifetime. "The Duke" wanted a new face to evade the feds & my 3D printer

Violet. Looking at the flowers and naming her unborn child after them. She wanted the child name to mean something and now it did. Unknowingly her best friend had just chosen the

I liked this balance sheet because

Bernice the bear lived in a zoo. It was dingy, small, and the people there treated her like an animal. (Irony?) She planned to escape the next day; Her plan was to

15 out of a hundred wooden spoons

Besides carpet burn, this is what happens when you spend it all in one place, at one time, on one woman.

The earwig looked around the doorframe for the last time. "Freedom," she thought, "How I've dreamed of you." All those long hours of just being another pest were finally at an end.