"Why can't I rip the tag off of the mattress??!!!" Stacy knew why, but she did not let on. She wanted Terri to

When I turn on this desk lamp I feel like strangling my daughter's puppy. I want to see how slowly I can apply the pressure around its neck to get the most out of its struggling

It was just one of those days. The portable death ray couldn't be propped up on the balcony because SOMONE forgot to bring a three-prong extension chord. Good minions are hard to

A giggle turned into a chuckle that begat a short burst of laughter out loud. A hearty guffaw then rounded steadily into the dreaded silent laugh where my stomach began to ache and

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Nope, he doesn't know what I'm thinking. How could he?' But I knew that. I knew you were thinking that I didn't know what you were thi

"Have excess bodily fluids? Donate to the Red Cross!" she reads over the PA system during homeroom. I pause, then

Broken inside, thats what she said as she walked out on me, taking my

She wheeled around the corner of Fourth and onto Lenora. I checked out the marquis at the Cinerama in case I had some free time but it wasn’t anything I was interested in.

Michael was thinking of something nice and exciting thing to do on weekend when suddenly

Stepping from the deep pit she yells "I think I found an ancient salt mine!" Damn, he thought, there goes our plan to raze Romania for the cross-europe nuclear pipeline. "Shut up!"

As odd as it was, the primary thought going through John's mind was ~these gates are really just white, not really pearly~ as he entered Heaven. An angel approached, carrying two

I don't understand why I have to register my neutrino rifle. Doesn't every galaxy bounty hunter have the right to have protection? The Star World Marshall looked up at me and

It was an unlit and tempestuous period between sunset and sunrise, when ey sauntered inside. I was imbibing solitarily and quite ebrious. I gazed into eir optic opening and beheld

I started to write this yesterday and finished it up today. But in between then and now I can't remember what it was I wanted to say. I'l reread it tomorrow and to see if it comes

"ITS NOT MY FAULT!" screamed the normally sanguine Samantha as she stormed into the tent and sat down in a huff. Ok, sure, she HAD invited the entire cross-country team

He peeped into the Jim Beam bottle. It took him two years, but it was finally done, the entire Manhattan skyline out of balsa wood and toothpicks. Then he sneezed,

Hillenbrand stuck it out and was proud of himself. Nobody who had scaled these heights before had

Ahhhh, that was it. After the 5th beer I felt balanced. 6 and I was high. 4 and I was low. 5 was it. I decided

A cold feeling of shock gripped me as I stared at the splintered, shattered wood of my front door.

No. Fuck you very much. I will not pull