"I'm doing it for the kids!" then she barfed all over my Fendi sunglasses. She looked up and saw pretty Malibu mountains.

BREAKING NEWS: Cindy Shaffer just stepped out wearing pinstriped black pants, with a bright red top, and the absolute shocker was the chunky faux turquoise pendant around her neck.

The hibernation genie started the backwards lullaby. Commander Antpi relaxed. There was a long journey ahead of him through the Isolar Solar Tunnel and he needed

One day, God farted. And celebrities were born.

The dictator bequethed his right-hand man the oil fields to the North and his armored tank division. Unknown to the dictator, his right-hand man was the leader of the resistance.

Shalomar. Shalomar. Shalomar." The shadows on the wall quivered. They had come again tonight. I can feel them. They always come on a

Up. Down. Up. Down. The twisted game of gravity. The cruel litany of man after man at the gallows. Up. Down.

Think about being alone with a horny retarded teenager that can swim 60 MPH. That's what it's like being a dolphin trainer.

The Martians looked upon Earth with despair. Were solar flares and too much humidity the cause of so many earthly contretemps? The Obsidian Galak

I’m not a one-of-a-kind. According to the stamp on my birth certificate, I’m a “Limited Edition '94 Bob Vantz”. The other 19 Bob Vantz’s that were produced are scattered throughout

As the brilliant morning sun adds specks of gold to my eyes I speak. The thought that becomes sound somehow becomes reality. Serenity overwhelms, these gold specked eyes are bliss.

I am a beetle.

Their potato proved that there was no such thing as alien life on other planets. The philosopher and the President explained all the complicated details as to why, beginning at

"No" means "No" and "Yes" means "No". Any questions? The law states that if you ask questions, you will be imprisoned. Also, failure to ask questions shows lack of participation!

I slew a dragon. But the policeman didn't believe me. He finished handcuffing me and slammed me into the back of the police van. "This one is crazy!" said one of the officers.

A man walked into a bar one day...

You dont perplex cerebral cortexes of both sexes. You just drive a Lexus and flex your pecs at ladies and gents. But thats only my two cents. My opinion wont leave a dent. Only if

Frank had built an empire on two simple principals: Good speling and proper use of grammar. Unfortunately, it looks like I is not one of his pupils.

"Let me be the interior decorator of your heart". It came from a cage with a parrot. He was owned by a Lady's man. He learned all the guys successful openers. I bought the parrot

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" he said into the microphone at the drive-thru. With a perfect Parisian accent, one of the requirements for the job. The box squawked in response