"...And we will never surrender!" He said

"...And we will never surrender!" He said from the top of the castle. Troops begun to invade the main square as the archers tried to make them retreat, but it did not matter.

No earthly force could stand the might of the Legion, and he knew it. Cape swirling about him, he turned on his heel and strode back inside the castle. It was time for plan B

Plan B was, of course, hide inside his room and pretend he wasn't home. He was certainly not one to face a Legion all on his own!

He grabbed his laser pistol and rushed to his room. he dashed under the bed, and stared at the door.

Someone or something was coming this way. There were no windows in this room. The footsteps on the other side of the door grew louder. He gently pried the floorboards open and

begged the beating heart to beat more quietly lest the unknown menace approaching hear it, but thump thump went the heart and thump thump thump went the door. With ear splintering

voices, they approached. Bells chiming, hearts rejoicing, the carolers were in no mood for my protests. Two of them grabbed me by the collar, and off I went. Into the snowy night..

It was the first time they'd caught me as I'd spent the last 3 years at caroling protests, attempting to crush the patriarchy. Everyone knew Santa was a woman, but the conspiracy

Come spring when the drifts finally melted they will find my body and will wonder who I was. I'll tell you who I was: another politically incorrect wanker with illegible memoirs.