"It's only blueberries!" I shouted after

"It's only blueberries!" I shouted after Emerald as she marched away. "Just some stupid blueberries, for God's sake". But to Emerald, it wasn't that simple.

Nothing was simple to Emerald. She could hardly park the car without driving around in circles. All I did was bake a pie and now she is mad as hell. "It's only blueberries

in the pie, just a blueberry pie, nothing to get worked up about.' I said, but Emerald saw red, well blue and shook her head. 'You don't understand, it can't be just any pie,

it must be lemon pie. With cream topping. That's what really makes me want to

order a third slice. "In fact, if I could just get the topping in a large doggie bag, that'd be terrific, mm'kay?" As I waited, I began to feel

the linguisa grease soaking through my pockets against my boxer briefs. The pizza topping was teasing me. It was mocking me, I had to get home and

have some junk food. This european foo foo gourmet stuff was so fake. I needed some real american food like jello fruit salad, dorito mexican casserole and rice crispie treats. mmh

I started to tremble and sweat, my body needed sugar and toxines, and fast! So I headed to the only place I knew where to find my dose of true american cuisine

, Kwik Twip gas station. I slammed my car through the racks of Twinkies and Little Debbie Snack cakes. "Pink Sno Ball Stat!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The cashier asked if