She smiled sweetly, "Oh, thank you James!

  • She smiled sweetly, "Oh, thank you James! I don't know what I'd do without your

  • Starfleet uniform! Every time I put it on, I feel just like a Vulcan! It's clearly the most logical choice in your wardrobe. I say, beam me up, Scotty, big boy!" James would never

  • Tell the story of how my mother was killed by a giant whale penis crushing her during child birth. I had always been told it was a giant mutated panda that had killed her because

  • my family had been too embarrassed to tell me the truth. Anyway, once that ordeal was over, I got to my feet and decided to finally get my act together. At last, I was actually goi

  • ng to find my true elven father. I didn't know where to look for him, so I consulted my best friend: "Siri, where is my father?"

  • "Sure, I can help you with that," Siri said, "your father is currently down in the Red Keep in Dungeon #34. I am afraid that dungeon does not have assigned stocks so I'm not sure

  • which would be the best to invest in." "Thanks, Siri, I will invest in all of the stocks across the board." Luckily, they were going cheap and soon my father was freed, though near

  • naked since he had to pay the taxi driver with his clothes. My father had tied a plastic grocery bag around his hip. Thinking he wanted cover his front side equipment, he forgot

  • that the backside was left wide open. Looking back at the white suede couch in the JC Penney lobby, he discovered that he'd left

  • a brown skid mark on the couch. Knowing the store’s slogan was, “You shit on it, you pay for it,” he tried desperately to elude the JC Penney manager, who was in hot pursuit.



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