It wasn't a dark and stormy night. Not at

  • It wasn't a dark and stormy night. Not at all. In fact it was a clear, warm beautiful day with just a hint of sunlight that filtered through the stained-glass windows. Or at least

  • that's what I thought. the light turned out to be the lights from a SWAT helicopter, Shit, they had found me. I took the cross on the wall as 3 Ops crashed through the windows

  • and I held the cross up and pulled the trigger. It was a Christian Uzi. He sprayed hot leaded god's judgment shattering windows and

  • splintering wood siding as everyone in the neighborhood dove for cover. Strange that he considered the Uzi a Christian tool, it was designed and built by Jews and he was an athiest

  • . He was part of the radical wing of the coexist movement. If people couldn't get along, violent action had to be taken. "Love each other Dammit!" he said to his cowering neighbors

  • The neighbors had taken to avoiding him. Better not to take out the trash if he was around. Even the Gandhian two doors down made a mad dash to his car if he saw him coming.

  • But he didn't let their behavior weaken his resolve. Since becoming Jainist,he refused to wash. "Think of the colonies of bacteria on my skin, or lice in my hair. It'd be genoside!

  • Being a Jainist came with obligations. Not washing was only the start of the list. Eating was a problem (don't kill the lettuce! Or the snails!), walking was dangerous too (watch

  • where you step, pendejo) and too much to list. Needless to say, I was the worst Jainist ever, and I didn't even know what one was besides all the OCD stuff. CDO, if the letters

  • stood for Castration Delivery Officer, which I think might be one of the few occupations for which developing obsessive-compulsive disorder might be justified.



  1. jaw2ek Sep 14 2012 @ 00:45

    Theology for the unwashed masses. Pumice might help. Maybe a loofa.

  2. Zetawilk Sep 14 2012 @ 14:46

    Isn't theology generally for the unwashed masses?

  3. jaw2ek Sep 14 2012 @ 15:04

    No, that's god. Academics. Debate theology.

  4. Zetawilk Sep 14 2012 @ 15:30

    Whether they want to or not.

  5. SlimWhitman Sep 14 2012 @ 15:45

    From Christian Uzi toting athiest to Jainist OCD CDO in 10 folds.

  6. Zetawilk Sep 14 2012 @ 17:23

    Which doesn't sound like much of a jump, but perhaps that is a discussion for another website. Or for someone who was hard up for credits at his or her university. I was disappointed though to find that Jainism has apparently very little to do with George Jetson's wife, but even then I would be more interested to hear about Rosieism. That robotic maid will be the death of us all. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jainism )

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