One of my biggest regrets is letting myself

One of my biggest regrets is letting myself believe that we had something.

We broke up after five years of courtship. I decided to write a novel about how he ruined my life. It became a bestseller and a blockbuster movie entitled, "My Boyfriend Sucks!"

When I went to the premiere my ex was there, with a hot date and being interviewed on the red carpet. That movie was about how he sucked, but it only made him famous. Hate filled

my Hate-ometer until the mercury burst through the top. My ex asked why my ear was leaking. "Um, you know, just draining fluids for my next role. I'm a Gatorade sweat model." She

laughed, and I knew again, why I'd got out of that relationship, but I still regretted the way I'd done it.

I’d ended it by throwing all her stuff out the window, deleting her computer files, changing the locks, closing our joint bank account and credit cards, keying her car, burning the

strip club she worked at down to the ground, killing her cat, bombing her mothers place, and just going out of my way to terrorize her and erase her from existence. 10 months of

plotting revenge against her for making his boyfriend cheat on him & dump his pathetic ass paid off in a big way. Still, he'd rather have her kicked out of the army for the illegal

stool sample research she'd been conducting in her off-hours. She'd assembled enough evidence to show conclusively that differentiating between human feces and Shinola shoe polish

was actually quite simple, especially after she accidentally dropped the sample of shoe polish on her hardwood floors, causing her to slip and place her hands in the shitty mess.