It was final: "Say Yes to the Dress" and

It was final: "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Curb Appeal" would be merged into one half-hour show, featuring a celebrity judge every week and a "sudden death" segment in which one

lucky contestant would win the "shopping soiree" around Harvey Nichols in a race to find the golden handbag. It was a fail-safe formula to secure GlamTV as the campest channel.

Or was it!? In truth, the handbag was only made of polystyrene, and by TV we mean two hobos messing with a breadbox. Betcha we had you goin' there for a second, didn't we? The

foregoing was another wigwammy fantastical sight gag put on by the Mormon Tabernacle choir. If you feel that it was a real knee slapper, please leave five dollars in the bowl.

My name is Obsidian Chu Chuallin Gilgamesh 911 and I am a Latter Saint of the Frozen Crane Clan. We believe knee slapping is a sin which is compounded by paying for sin

-gle dryer sheets at the laundromat. My secret church can be found in the laundromat's basement, and my throne, the famous Throne of Obsidian is made out of decades of dryer lint.

I call it the famous Throne of Obsidian since it sounds more imposing than "heap of lint".During my secret church service I rub the lint until the static discharge causes the demon

Ings of guilt unnecessary. Fortunately, I know few people named Bill and Sally. Those I do know were forewarned and they laid low. They were the lucky ones. Many were eaten alive.

The few that survived went on the make stunning documentaries about their experience, called "Billy and Sally: the Genocide" The End