It was one of the most amazing days she had

It was one of the most amazing days she had ever experienced. This job would be a dream come true. She could not wait to share the good news with her best friend. Unfortunately....

she had just cut Julie, her friend into very fine slices and left her to marinade in a yummy mix of chilli, lime, coriander and lemongrass. The chat would have to wait till dinner

because she had an appointment with a therapist to discuss why she referred to sirloin steak as a 'friend' and gave it the name 'Julie' before she ate it. She never did this with

her potato, and certainly never with salad. Although, now that she thought of it, there was time she called her carrot "Sam" before catching herself.

The carrot, a "root" vegetable, had reminded her of Sam Kinison's penis. Years ago, she'd had a night with the gods at the Improv. She had felt the hot charge of groupie sex with

the girls on the front row as not only exciting, it was so freeing to her soul after being forced to attend Catholic school. We're not lesbians, we just enjoy grinding for our men

and working them up before we head for mass in the morning. We built a replica of the altar where she recites a little prayer naked, while I flagellate her with seven seals of the

seven headed hydra. . .repent bitch I scream at her, thoroughly enjoying myself, being pope was stressful at times, what with disciplining altar boys all day and saving the damned

we soon to be unearthed after having been linked to one verified miracle. Following his return to the earthly world he will make one more trip underground, pending sainthood.