They went out "as friends." He even called

They went out "as friends." He even called "his girl" while they were out. They had not crossed any lines, the whole time. All he could do was think about her naked. When they

were finally naked together, later that night, he realized that they should have stayed "just friends." Those lines exist for a reason. He had imagined this moment but her body

terrified him. She had eight teats; she wasn't called a bitch for nothing. No wonder she had been looking at the dogs in the dog-pound so longingly. Never pick up a girl at the

alpaca-shaped hole in my wall will never get fixed. Despite this falter in my resolve, I decided that it would be best to see what the Lowes had in stock.

Why, they had stocked stackable steel springs sparkling sharply salient in the summer sun!

The alliteration on the sign impressed me enough to venture into the store. I was looking for the perfect fake Christmas tree, preferably one with garish purple branches.

I turned a corner and there was a round headed kid and another one with a blanket. They were about to buy the tree I was looking at but I beat them to the punch. "Good Grief!"

said the bald looking kid with the delightfully tacky sweater. I offered to trade the X-mas tree for his sweater and was soon the proud owner of the crazy zagged striped sweater.

I put it on and never took it off. Everyone knows that the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.