The titular star of 30-years of Wacky Newt

The titular star of 30-years of Wacky Newt videogames stood in mutual odd quiet with his longtime nemesis Stew Shark for the first time outside of work. Mutual romance flourished.

Just not for Wacky Newt or Stew Shark. It seemed everyone ELSE was falling in love but them. What had happened? Why were these relics of the Golden Age of Video Games so unlucky?

Because these Relics were cursed! Cursed by the Babe. But oh no, not in the way you think. No sir. In the most ridiculous and cunning way a curse can be put on a relic, why

Drape in velvet inside the glass case, whilst it moans at midnight?

Does this thing, dislike silver bling? does it eat dirt by day, partake fluids crimson by night? Does it wear a felted leather coat, reside in a dark castle with a moat?

"No, none of those", the thing was answering in some kind of voice, like out of it's mouth, there was movement and then sound. Somehow I understood it's name was Eugene Rutherford.

"Why are you speaking into my mind, Eugene Rutherford?" I asked him. "I'm not," he replied, "I am merely making random faces and you are assuming that I am transferring thoughts to

your brain." "Oh, really?" I said. "So how come I keep hearing...'take your clothes off, take your clothes off'" inside my head?" "Oh, that!" Eugene replied slyly, "that's just my

remarkable powers of sexual attraction." I stared at Eugene, feeling somewhat revolted. He waggled his eyebrows at me and I turned away. I'd had enough of Eugene's crap for today.

I pulled out a tube of superglue and stuck his eyebrow folds right up against his forehead. Those bastards wouldn't be wiggling any time soon.