You jump to the right and you shake a hand,

You jump to the right and you shake a hand, jump to the left and you shake that hand, you meet some friends and you tie some yarn: and that's how you do The Scarn.

That is, if you want to do it all wrong. According to Scrantonian legend, The Scarn is actually a mating ritual that came to the forefront of foreplay when

Secret Agent Michael Scarn found the ancient scriptures and began performing the act on women all around the globe as he fought Evil Geniuses. Sometimes he'd use it on them too.

"No, Mr. Scarn, I expect you to die," said the evil Dr. Opernoff, who's luscious body descended into view. He wore nothing, save for a red

belt. Dr. Opernoff presented an extremely odd image but Scarn was more concerned with escape than the Doctor's curious fashion sensibilities. Scarn struggled in vain while Opernoff

considered the situation. It had been some time since he and Scarn were in a situation like this, but he reckoned that with the proper application of lubricant and explosives, they

would have a burlesque act that could blow away the competition both literally and figuratively. Thus began period of intensive rehearsal. Feathers flew and tempers were strained

but we knew, in the end, that we could win this dance-off. Finally the day arrived, and we met the dancers on the field of battle. One of them turned on his stereo, blasting

was what we named the child Marg and I conceived of that night, in honor of the establishment in whose bathroom the he was conceived. Copaca's name scared him for life. The end.