Sally was starting to panic about lima beans.
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Sally was starting to panic about lima beans. She knew they existed, both canned and frozen, but the stores had never heard of them, and Google turned up nothing. Was she going
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completely insane? 'Fine', Sally said, 'just tell me where the garbonzos are and I'll make do'. The clerk looked a little panicky at this point. He said 'Sorry Miss but I've never
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heard of a garbonzo. Can you describe them?" The clerk shifted uneasily as Sally sighed and shook her head. "Listen," she said, "I don't have much time, so if you're going to
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give me the cold shoulder. I'm going to take this over your head." Sally grabbed a PA mike. "Shoppers! does anyone know how to make a decent hummus around here?" Security busted
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in, with a blender, some chick-peas, and a clove of garlic. They efficiently worked, combining the ingredients with a squeeze of lemon, to make perhaps the best hummus she had
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ever made, and then reality slammed into her face like a cement pylon. Hummus? How good can it be? It has a terminal "awesomeness" barrier. It's good, but its made from chick peas.
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But "awesomeness barriers" (let's call them ab's) are meant to be overcome. She took the ab-challenged hummus & added 140 proof vermouth, essence of durian, and lit it.
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The smell of burnt garlic filled the air, and some of the passersby got a craving for pizza. Or, I guess. I've never lit hummus on fire. The awesomeness barriers (ABs) were torn
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it was then that the cook finally came up with two big pots of stew. Everyone looked at each other with some disappointment. Where's the pizza?
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"Ah, but this is no ordinary stew, have a try." They each cautiously took a sip. "P-pepperoni pizza!" one exclaimed. "Cheese fries!" said another. It was truly a perfect meal.
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- Started
- 2011-08-13 15:10:52
- Finished
- 2012-08-07 11:01:51
7 Comments
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SlimWhitman Aug 07 2012 @ 17:56
The secret recipe for Gobstoppers is out! Who would have thought it was a hummus, durian and vermouth flambé?
Mako Aug 07 2012 @ 19:37
first line sounds like a fun nightmare scenario.
BlastedHeath Aug 08 2012 @ 19:28
Thanks, Mako!
Zetawilk Aug 09 2012 @ 23:08
Google probably just returned search results of people reviewing lima beans (those video game reviews seem to indicate these people had never really heard of the games before sometimes), erotic spam that somehow uses whatever string you search for as a meta tag, and utter gibberish. Speaking of search terms, I'm going to go find out if I can search my old stories and list them from the oldest to newest.
49erFaithful Aug 13 2012 @ 18:42
Chucklicious!
49erFaithful Aug 14 2012 @ 16:14
I've looked into this and the prevailing theory is that ABs are a construct of the mind and subject to breakage with enough garlic salt (see Emeril's thesis research circa 1998). Paprikal experimentation is ongoing, though the classic hummus, durian and vermouth flambe speaks for itself. Give Sally my number and I'll hook her up with a few tasty recipes.
BlastedHeath Aug 14 2012 @ 20:07
People of Google: Lima Beans do NOT exist. Never have, never will. Please stop bothering us with your delusional searches. Thanks. If you feel like you might have jumped tracks into a slightly different world, please do Google for further advice and instructions. Respect, commiseration and best wishes to you!