I watched as I floated away from my mother.
- I watched as I floated away from my mother. Who knew being a polar bear could be so tough? I couldn't swim to her, and she couldn't exactly swim to me either. There was a huge
- camera crew on a nearby raft. They were filming a global warming documentary. Mom and I decided to ham it up; a little sympathy could land us in a cushy zoo, one with other bears
- who'd had to leave home due to melting polar ice caps. So Mama Bear taught me to endear myself to audiences. For hours I had to sit in the snow and drink fizzy cola for the cameras
- And then the owner of Adapt 2030 called me back because the grand solar minimum was back with a vengeance. The global cooling had started by the time I arrived to find my family in
- a 1930s behemoth of a refrigerator. The government had assured them it was global warming ready. We all fit inside but then the door closed and we were locked inside. An ice age
- passed, humans were wiped out; true to comicbook science, we were thawed out years later by intelligent anthropomorphic cockroaches whom inherited the Earth and its gambling debts.
- Of course, we would be slaves to these uplifted cockroaches for many generations, until the gambling debts were finally paid off. But I had a plan so cunning, you could
- stab it with a fork. While the cockroaches were asleep, I set out plates piled high with poisoned pumpkin pie that I was sure they couldn't refuse. Then I went back to bed and
- awoke the next morning refreshed & eager to face the new day. Then I woke up. There was a pumpkin pie head of me covered in #5 Red colored corn syrup beside me in bed. Cockroaches!
- Then, I went back to sleep, I guess. The whole thing is a blur to me now; I had dropped that tab of Strawberry Sunshine in the Summer of ’69, but I do enjoy the random flashback.
- Started
- 2014-05-25 18:18:08
- Finished
- 2020-12-09 11:42:36
7 Comments
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Jimbeau Dec 09 2020 @ 11:47
We should submit this one to Psychology Today and see if it is accepted.
Ped_Xing Dec 09 2020 @ 22:57
we'll have to put it in APA style to submit it.
Zetawilk Dec 13 2020 @ 19:44
Man, I graduated so I wouldn't have to worry about APA anymore. I'd rather live with the polar bears.
Woab Dec 14 2020 @ 11:58
Go with the floe, man...
Col.Lingus Dec 16 2020 @ 01:30
Chill out there Daddy Bear.
Col.Lingus Dec 16 2020 @ 01:32
Let this be a cautionary tale. Don't go back in time and drop acid with Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters. Because the flashback you save may be your own.
Jimbeau Dec 16 2020 @ 19:50
I think the entire essay is brilliant.