"My wife ran off with my best friend... and

"My wife ran off with my best friend... and boy do I miss him." The audience groaned. He was gonna have to do better than that.

garage, he was suddenly attacked by Ninjas with Jetpacks!

"Crap! Why does this always happen to me, " he thought as he ducked the attacking marauders.

"Because you keep stabbing us with pointy sticks!" shouted one of them, as he lunged forward and tried to tie him up in a coil of barbed wire.

Jameson was overcome with a bittersweet brew of emotions as he began to reminisce about his first honeymoon. His bride had been working undercover field ops in

Miami for the DEA and had, just prior to the honeymoon, scored a kilo of toot off some former tax farmer who was indebted to her for a certain wire transfer to the Cayman Islands.

And so this was how Don Johnson created his retirement. Acting had become a flimsy excuse for existence which seemed all the more fraudulent when Cheech

Marin had been revealed to be an emotionless dickwad. He said the weed made him feel good. What he meant was it made him feel apathetic. Tommy Chong was a similar waste, school

being a waste on his addled mind. Inevitably, Marin eventually became senator and Tommy a 4-star general. Together they ruled the world and ate lots of fried foodstuffs.