Ug was tired of being the scapegoat for bad

Ug was tired of being the scapegoat for bad hunt magic & promised Thag two bear skins & a nearly new flint arrow head to kill the Shaman. "Thag gonna tell Shaman if you don't give

him the rent money, he's gonna call his cousin Roman and we're going to take you out behind the grass hut and break you knees." Ug felt the trickle of warm fear run down his leg as

The hefty, olive-skinned man in front of him started snorting and making ape noises as though he was attempting to establish that - yes - he was the king of the goddamn jungle. So,

without any other ideas, I dropped to my knee, bowing to the "king". It didn't seem to satisfy him, and he kept making the ape noises. I stood, shook my head, and

decided, hells no. I ain't goin' out like this. I am NOT gonna let some ape man sweat me. So I stood up, looked the beast in the eye and said, "Who does your hair, Dr. Zaius? Carro

-l Vorderman, the much loved former host of Countdown?" The ape was not flustered, but flattered. He stroked his hide, and said, "Why, yes. Carol and I meet every Sunday for

some monkey loving. I'm not quite Ok with the term but I do like the how she keeps my monkey happy. Why do you ask? Is she in trouble", asked the ape suddenly concerned for his

progeny. The ape looked concerned as he waited for my to answer but I had no idea how to tell him that she was gone. I stood staring at him for entirely too long before he crumpled

up his marriage vows and threw them to the bottom of the Empire State Building, where they nearly crushed a passing cab. I didn't have to tell him. He knew she was gone. I could

only sympathetically pat his shoulder, awkwardly saying, "There, there. There, there." Shockingly, this didn't seem to help him get over his failed marriage or the cabbie's lawsuit