In Holstenwall, my hometown a traveling fair

  • In Holstenwall, my hometown a traveling fair arrived & with it came Dr. Caligari. My friend Alan convinced me to visit his show. His somnambulist predicted Alan's death the by morn
  • , which came true when the somnambulist appeared at Alan's door and murdered him cold. Turns out Alan was dipping his wick in his old lady. Dr Caligari apologised and gave me free
  • bacon. "I'm vegan," I said, but he said he apologized for Alan's death. I told him I didn't care that much and Dr Caligari grinned. "Okay, wanna get some fish and chips later?"
  • Dr. Calamari was shocked at Dr. Caligari's suggestion. "Are we not fish?" he asked, his tentacles waving. Dr. Caligari secretly rolled his eyes at me, but being vegan I, too, was
  • curious. Would Dr. Caligari respond to the obvious elephant in the room or to the question at hand which was whether both he and Dr. Calamari were fish or not? I waited with vegan
  • Then the results came in. Calamari got the answer he was looking for, he was indeed a fish. And when the news came in, Vegan was absolutely shell shocked.
  • Vegan clammed up for a few seconds, and finally sputtered "You're not a fish. You're just selfish." Calamari replied "You're just jelly that I'm a fish. You gotta scale that back".
  • "Scale what back? Do you expect me to swallow that, hook, line, and sinker? This isn't catch & release. It's sink or swim!" The vehemence of Vegan's words impressed Dr. Calamari.
  • Dr. Calamari put Vegan under deep hypnosis & returned her to childhood to trace the source. Turns out her psychosis began hen she witnessed her dad eating a live, hairy, squirming
  • Tea Party conservative. Besides tasting bland, her dad whined of stomach upset and diarrhea. To battle her insanity, Dr. Calamari ordered Vegan a liberal diet and emancipated her.


  1. LordVacuity May 10 2020 @ 12:29

    I bet he emancipated her on the very couch she had been interviewed for her "modeling" job. I bet it was an all tentacles on deck type of event too.

  2. Jimbeau May 10 2020 @ 12:51

    Some people have never seen the underbelly of a casting couch, better known as the Cephalopod.

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