"You really want to get this tattoo today?"

"You really want to get this tattoo today?" Avery asked Gen wearily. He pulled out a cigarette and let dangle between his dry lips, cursing himself for having so many pockets

Gen said nothing, but simply lay facedown on the table and bared her bottom. "OK," Avery sighed. "But for the life of me, I can't understand why you want to tattoo his face on your

Grandma, nor why you chose butt-recognition as the security feature on your tattooinator 3000." With a whir the machine ok'd her butt and the man's face began to appear on Grandma

's left cheek. "That feels funny. Wait a minute! That's not what I ordered." She wanted the photo-realistic tattoo on her shoulder. Gran stepped away from the Tattooinator 3000

& towards the Tattooinator 4500. Her crinkly blue eyes sparkled. "What's THIS?" she asked, rubbing her gnarly fingers over the gleaming steel. "Sorry, Granny, you're too old

"Too old?" the woman replied. I wasn't too old last night when we made love under the tractor beneath the weeping willows. I wasn't too old when you promised me forever.

I felt the guilt seep through my body, but all I could do was shake my head and turn my back. I hated doing this, but now that I had stolen the cash, I couldn't stay

with him. "Please, Jake, don't leave me!" he cried, and I held back a sob as I abandoned my partner in crime. We'd been through so much, but the money wasn't enough to bail him out

of candy jail. Knowing Jake it would dawn on him in a couple weeks at best that he could simply eat his way out. Candy jail tends to be rather minty, though, and that cinnamon

Courtyards are littered with bon bons in metal tins which are reusable. Jake collected tins of bon bons, tossed them at the guards, and became a mouse. Freedom at last!